Thursday, July 10, 2014

Help, I Need Somebody

Do you know someone who is constantly complaining that no one helps them? Perhaps addictions have taken over their life or mental disorders plague them and they seem to have lost the motivation to do anything for themselves.
I think most of us remember the old song by the Beatles, “Help!”
The lyrics could describe someone in that position:
Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being 'round
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won't you please, please help me

And now my life has changed in oh so many ways
My independence seems to vanish in the haze
But every now and then I feel so insecure
 I know that I just need you like I've never done before

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being 'round
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won't you please, please help me?*
These lyrics remind me of a Bible story. 
 Later on there was a Jewish festival (feast) for which Jesus went up to Jerusalem.
 Now there is in Jerusalem a pool near the Sheep Gate. This pool in the Hebrew is called Bethesda, having five porches (alcoves, colonnades, doorways).
 In these lay a great number of sick folk—some blind, some crippled, and some paralyzed (shriveled up)—[a]waiting for the bubbling up of the water.
For an angel of the Lord went down at appointed seasons into the pool and moved and stirred up the water; whoever then first, after the stirring up of the water, stepped in was cured of whatever disease with which he was afflicted.
There was a certain man there who had suffered with a deep-seated and lingering disorder for thirty-eight years.
 When Jesus noticed him lying there [helpless], knowing that he had already been a long time in that condition, He said to him, Do you want to become well? [Are you really in earnest about getting well?]
The invalid answered, Sir, I have nobody when the water is moving to put me into the pool; but while I am trying to come [into it] myself, somebody else steps down ahead of me.
 Jesus said to him, Get up! Pick up your bed (sleeping pad) and walk!
 Instantly the man became well and recovered his strength and picked up his bed and walked. John 5:1-9 Amplified Bible (AMP)
Sometimes a broken mirror gives a fractured reflection just as a broken heart reflects a distorted image. This man had laid there for 38 years gazing into a distorted image reflected from the pool, an image that confirmed to him that he had no power for living. He needed help! Gazing into that pool heightened the deep-seated thoughts of helplessness within him. The next thing you knew he was battling thoughts of anger and frustration that no one would help him and people were getting in his way.
The first thing I note about these verses is, "No one will help me." On the heels of that is "Someone gets in my way." It is nearly impossible to help someone who is still in the victim mode of behavior. I notice that Jesus didn't let the man get away with excuses, He said, "Get up! Pick up your bed and walk!" He didn't say "Let me help you up, let me do it for you," He put responsibility upon the person that they be a part of the recovery process. Another translation reads, "Rise up!"
The work of the Holy Spirit even before the person is encouraged on a recovery walk can be a powerful thing. Some people may need a miracle and that is where prayer and intercession come in. Blanket that person who you know needs healing in unrelenting, incessant, and non-stop prayer!
This scripture goes along with another of my favorite stories where Peter heals a lame beggar:
One day Peter and John were going up to the temple at the time of prayer—at three in the afternoon.  Now a man who was lame from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts.  When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for money. Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, “Look at us!”  So the man gave them his attention, expecting to get something from them. Acts 3:1-6  (NIV)
Then Peter said, “Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.” 
The man gave Peter his attention, expecting something from him, perhaps a donation to keep him going and alive one more day. But Peter had the power of the Holy Spirit and knew temporarily "fixing" him or his momentary situation was not what he needed. The man needed healing to walk in wholeness and have purpose for his life. It may have seemed that he got a "quick fix" but really the daily gift of meeting the man's needs instead of looking deeply at the heart of the man and the matter was really hindering him.  We need to remember we can help, but we can’t do the work of recovery for someone else.
“Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk,” is one of my favorite verses and so often I feel like saying it to people. I don't always have money to help everyone, I can't always find the right resources for everyone even those in my family, but I can pray that in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, they can walk. Walk how, you say?
Walk in wholeness of spirit.
Walk with clarity of mind.
Walk with resources that are so readily available when pursued.
Walk with Jesus
Walk with the Holy Spirit's power.
And walk forward in prayer, not looking continually at the past. Just take that next best step even if it is a baby step, walk!
"Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man’s feet and ankles became strong.  He jumped to his feet and began to walk. Then he went with them into the temple courts, walking and jumping, and praising God.  When all the people saw him walking and praising God, they recognized him as the same man who used to sit begging at the temple gate called Beautiful, and they were filled with wonder and amazement at what had happened to him." Acts 3:7-10 (NIV)

We know that we are powerless to change another but sometimes we may need to take them by the hand until their ankles become strong. Strengthened, then they will know who gave the healing and leap about praising His name. Walk, I say in the power of the Holy Spirit. Today, just walk forward!

Instead of “Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being 'round
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won't you please, please help me?”

Perhaps the song lyrics might be changed to:
“You helped me,
I no longer feel down
I appreciate that you were around,
When I fell on bended knee,
My help was found.”

Support groups show us how to let go and let God do the work that we can’t do. Eventually the person who brought you to this place of need, will be glad that you respected them enough to back off and let them do the work of recovery themselves. If they aren’t pursuing it, they may not be ready. It might just be a part of their journey. Jesus can still take their mess and turn it into a message. They may say, “Thanks for helping put the ball right where it belonged; in my court. You helped me to help myself.”

“You helped me,
I no longer feel down
I appreciate that you were around,
When I fell on bended knee,
My help was found.”

 Donna Collins Tinsley copyright 2014

I thought of this song while writing this; it is talking about the Breath of Heaven, which we need daily.

*Help, by the Beatles:

Friday, July 4, 2014

Happy Fourth of July, y'all! I'm proud to be an American; hope you are, too!

"So if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed." TGIF and thank God for our many freedoms, some that we take for granted for sure. Celebrate if you can, love the ones you are with, and remember those who have gone ahead of us.

Lord, please go before us and teach us to be grateful for what we have, not dwelling on those things that we don't have. Help us to be joyful for those whose lives seem to be altogether lovely and give us dreams for the future. Let the brightness of the Holy Spirit overtake us today and may we shine with Your love
"'Lighthouses don't go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining." Anne Lamott
Be a lighthouse today.

Don't forget to take the Prayer challenge with Anne Graham Lotz

Sunday, June 8, 2014

We Forgot How To Be Family

We Forgot How To Be Family

I’ve had this title in my mind for some time now and have wanted to write an article but I haven’t been able to get my thoughts together. For now, this is all I could put on paper, as sometimes the sadness pertaining to the title is overwhelming. Yes, there are a lot of extenuating circumstances that led us to this place and every family member has their own story. I can only work on mine.
Sometimes we all wish we could have that picture perfect family. But along the way of life something tragic happened to mine.
We Forgot How To Be Family

 So shall they fear
The name of the LORD from the west,
And His glory from the rising of the sun;
When the enemy comes in like a flood,
The Spirit of the LORD will lift up a standard against him. Isaiah 59:19 (NKJV)

We forgot how to be family.
Lord, we need help,
We forgot how to look
At each other with love,
Lord, we need help.

The many years, the tears
The toil, the pain,
Made us feel
That we could never regain
Never be true family.

Lord we need help!
It seemed so simple
Way back when
We were innocent
We had dreams but then…

We had no real role models
For how to do it
Only Jesus
To help us through it,

How can we forget
To live the Golden Rule?
How could we allow the enemy's tools
To prevail?

Like a flood He came in
Through the anxieties
Of the world,
Like a flood he came in
A tornado of pain swirled.

But the Spirit of the Lord
Will set a standard,
An escape
No hooded hero
With a cape.
But a God/man,
Christ Jesus, our Lord.

We forgot how to be family
Lord, help us remember
Help us now, I pray.

Donna Collins Tinsley

Sunday, June 1, 2014

Graduation Day Musings

Sunday a day of rest, renewal and worship.
We come to You today rejoicing with all those who are graduating or have graduated this week. My little grand-girlie, Aryel graduated Pre-K this week, jumping about singing and dancing to Overcomer by Mandisa. Tonight we see my oldest and first grandson Austin Triplett graduate at the Ocean Center. We are so proud of him and the wonderful man he is becoming, always beautiful in spirit.

Happy Graduation Day, Austin!
A ll-around great guy!
U ltimate grandson
S o entertaining and funny
T houghtful and considerate
I nteresting, handsome and a winner
N o one like him

Austin, our lives were forever changed when you came in to our world. You are a world-changer and have been that long before the phrase, “world-changer” became common.  You were called from the womb with a great calling and many gifts from our Lord, Jesus Christ. There was prophecy given about you preaching and being mighty and powerful and we are very excited to see in what way the Lord will bring that about. We all know that every day our lives are the only Bible that some people will read. Yours is a beautiful one with pages that will be filled with a great story of love and a life well lived. We are proud of you, grandson.
And also an editorial for a friend in memory of his son:
Each year I try to get this editorial in the local paper and fail. But because I read a Facebook post from a mother whose son overdosed and was left in a ditch to die, I once again will try to get these thoughts out to our communities. The key part being this, if you don't have time to read the whole editorial:  "Grads if something tragic has happened, you friend may have overdosed, don’t leave your friend alone; call 911. Please spare one more parent a broken heart. Parents please talk to your children especially with Graduation Day approaching."
You are welcome to share this but please leave my contact info with it:)
Graduation Night,
Tonight a Parent’s Heart May be Broken

“I’m the father of a dead child,” is how the brokenhearted man introduced himself at the local Substance Abuse Task Force meeting.

I am always struck by the pain of the parents that have lost children to the disease of addictions. In this case it was not an addiction problem but kids celebrating their graduation. 

Many of us realize and try to prepare ourselves for the possibility of loss in our families, with recreational pills so prevalent in the younger generation. The statistics show that 8 people die a day in the State of Florida. With the national average being 50 a day, we need to acknowledge we have a problem here, people, and educate our families and ourselves. But common things in your home such as Pam, Nyquil and aerosol whipping cream can also be a source of misuse.

Prayer is a real and valid tool and a powerful force in the war against addictions. We always need to include prayers for families affected by addictions of all kinds. We can’t just ignore the problems in our society and hope they will go away.  One of the best resources I’ve found is Narcotics Overdose Prevention & Education (NOPE) Task Force. They are a group of community leaders and parents working to save lives by engaging young people in efforts to end drug abuse.
I met the father who introduced himself that way after the meeting. Although it had been nearly a year since his son died, it was evident he was still grieving.  I didn't want him to leave that meeting thinking that his son's death was in vain. I knew it was hard for him to make the effort to come to the Task Force but I was so glad he came. The only comfort I could give was to say I would pray for him and give him a hug, "I know when your son woke up that morning he didn't think or plan,‘Tonight I will break my father's heart.’”  Although that was what happened it was a horrible accident; kids using pills or drugs, one time too many. Young people are not thinking when they use recreational drugs; they are just doing it to fit in with their friends.

Graduation night is party night for many young adults. There are Pharma Parties, where people are dared to go through their parent’s medicine cabinets, bring in whatever pills they can get their hands on and put them in a big bowl to share. They pass the bowl around and the interaction of several pills that are not supposed to be taken together is a deadly gamble; a Russian Roulette.

I wrote this editorial in memory of Morgan Andrew Denney, that perhaps his death be not in vain, but will help save someone else’s child. I am trying in my own small way to get the word out, "One time may be one time too many."

Grads if something tragic has happened, Your friend may have overdosed, don’t leave your friend alone; call 911. Please spare one more parent a broken heart. Parents please talk to your children especially with Graduation Day approaching.

“Upon thy walls, O Jerusalem, I have appointed watchmen all the day, and all the night, they shall never hold their peace. You that are mindful of the Lord, hold not your peace, (Isaiah 62:6 Douay-Rheims Bible)
 Graduation Day was made for celebration not death.
 Donna Collins Tinsley
Somebody's Mother Online Prayer Support Group

Monday, May 19, 2014

Grace for the Day, May 19th, 2014

I am catching small glimpses of prayers being answered in ways that I would have never contemplated. The Lord is so much wiser than all of our ways of figuring things out, planning or controlling. He will not, He will not, He will not at all, He will not, no never, forget those things we have prayed. He will not forsake our children, He sees into their futures, He sees their hearts down deep. He will send help and He will send journey-mates. He sees and He does not forget the labor of love. Philip Yancey gives us the metaphor of a hearing aid: "pain gives us the opportunity to turn up the volume and pay attention to things that we might otherwise overlook." Listen to the whole interview go to Focus on the Family.
Parts of Psalm 30 sound great for today, as I remember last week just praying to be back safe from Oklahoma by today. The Lord has been so good to me and to you:
"I will extol You, O Lord, for You have lifted me up,
And have not let my enemies rejoice over me.

Lord my God,
cried to You for help, and You healed me.

Lord, You have brought up my soul from Sheol;
You have kept me alive, that I would not go down to the pit.
Sing praise to the Lord, you His godly ones,
And give thanks to His holy name.
For His anger is but for a moment,
His favor is for a lifetime;
Weeping may last for the night,
But a shout of joy comes in the morning...Hear, O Lord, and be gracious to me;
Lord, be my helper.”
You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness,
That my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent.
Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever." Psalms 30
I am so grateful to my Lord, my family, my friends and will ever live to praise His name. Thanks to all for the birthday wishes.Bill gave me a gift early knowing it would be cold in Oklahoma and I could use a new coat. My girls were ready to bless me when I got home with cookies from Ashley, Regina sent a cake, macaroni salad and flowers, Amber worked on a 3-pasta sampler for me and Shiloh and Brian want to take me to lunch today. As you can see we eat for comfort around here, that's how my family rolls, I guess. Mama didn't live to be 63, she nearly made it though, and she used to say we have food on the brain:). I guess the Lord isn't quite through with me yet:) I didn't realize how rough and old a 19-hour car trip could make you feel but we have the Rhema graduates back in Port Orange now:)

Saturday, May 10, 2014

Mother's Day Musings 2014 a Little of This and That

"What you look at the longest is what will become strongest in your life. Whatever captures your attention, masters you. Choose to put your focus on the good things God has done for you, is doing for you and will do for you." Paula White

Sunday a day to praise the Lord. Many will celebrate Mother's day, many will be unable to celebrate and for those we pray that the Lord will minister to them today. He is available 24/7.

Psalm 31:3 "For Thou art my rock and my fortress; for Thy name's sake Thou wilt lead me and guide me. 

 I think it was Joyce Meyers who said, "When I knew better, I did better." I am grateful to the Lord that I have learned and am still learning how to parent in different ways than I did when I was a teenage mother. By God's grace and forgiveness I am a different woman than when I started out and He gets the credit for it. But if I could turn the clock back and do it over with no mistakes or pain to loved ones, you can bet I would. I would love to be able to have a do-over in the mothering department. There is a quote in the book, "Her Daughter's Dream" by Francine Rivers that sums up, I think, how many mothers feel. ‎"I love every one of my children and I did the best I knew in raising them. I just wasn't always the mother they wanted."

Yet, we claim Romans 8:28 and know that God will use the pain and irritations of life to bring about the destiny of our children. As Mothers it is hard to watch and times and even harder to endure when we want to jump in and take that pain for them. But we must leave our children, grandchildren and problems in the hands of the One who created them for His purpose and glory. He will bring to life that which was dead and barren. Only the Lord can mend the broken, take pieces of clay and make beautiful vessels of His glory. Sometimes the pain of life seems more than we can endure, but we must press on, for His glory and purpose.

"Now therefore thus says the LORD God of Israel concerning (my paraphrase) your family: "Behold, I will gather them out of all the lands to which I have driven them in My anger, in My wrath and in great indignation; and I will bring them back to this place and make them dwell in safety. "They shall be My people, and I will be their God; and I will give them one heart and one way, that they may fear Me always, for their own good and for the good of their children after them. I will make an everlasting covenant with them that I will not turn away from them, to do them good; and I will put the fear of Me in their hearts so that they will not turn away from Me. "I will rejoice over them to do them good and will faithfully plant them in this land with all My heart and with all My soul. Jeremiah 32:17, 36-41Amp:

“All your children will be taught by the Lord. And they will have much peace”
(Isaiah 54:13, International Children’s Bible)

An interesting bit of Mother's Day trivia I read this week:
Anna Jarvis, the woman whose efforts resulted in Mother's Day becoming a national holiday in 1914, filed a lawsuit to stop a Mother's Day festival in 1923 because she was so troubled that the day had become commercialized. "I wanted it to be a day of sentiment, not profit," she protested. The commercialization so disturbed her that she said she was sorry she had worked to establish the holiday, and she spent all of her inheritance trying to return Mother's Day to the simple, loving time she had intended. 
I can understand her becoming disheartened. May the Lord bring back the simplicity of just spending time together or thinking about happy memories for those who are sad.


Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Seven Secrets of Power Praying, A book to enhance your prayer life.

Jane Glenchur has written an awesome book on prayer called, Seven Secrets of Power Praying. She looks at prayer in ways that would benefit all of us and the titles of her chapters will engage you and prompt you to read on. Not only read but pray more. The thoughts at the end of the chapters to remember, will stay in your mind and heart. I loved getting to know Jane through this book and was very honored that she chose to send me a copy to review.
Seven Secrets of Power Praying is broken into three parts. First is “Partnering with God,” Part 2 is Applying the 7 secrets to Power Praying, and Part 3 is Stepping Up to the Next Level. Her five keys to prayer are Key#1 Petition, Key#2 Passion, Key#3 Presence, Key#4 Preparedness, and Key#5 Perseverance.
I learned the term cloaking from the chapter Unmasking Deception where Jane says, "The enemy looks for opportunities to insert symptoms, hoping we will attribute them to a natural event rather than to cloaking."

A powerful quote also is,"Satan is the father of lies. As mentioned earlier, he wants to kill, steal and destroy God's children, but he does not advertise that fact. His lie are not often obvious; they are mixtures of truth and deception. He uses half-truths to prod and pressure us into making foolish decisions."


She also reminds us about voice recognition and how to be certain it is God speaking to you.

A key Bible verse is Jeremiah 33:3

Amplified Bible (AMP) Call to Me and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things, fenced in and hidden, which you do not know (do not distinguish and recognize, have knowledge of and understand).
The Appendix A with power Prayers and Declarations will be something that you will use time and time again.
It is a book that I will recommend to my Facebook prayer support group, Somebody's Mother Online Prayer Support Group .
I especially loved from the chapter, "Give God Your Password," this quote, "Lord, I give You permission to change my mind and emotions. I want Your best in this matter."
If prayer is part of your life, you will want to include this book in your devotional time. I give it five stars.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Dates of Pain On the One-year Anniversary of the Boston Marathon Tragedy

Dates of Pain
On the One-year Anniversary of the Boston Marathon Tragedy

Dates stand out in our minds sometimes. We remember birth dates, anniversaries and events that make us happy. But some dates will forever be ingrained into our hearts of life-changing events. There may be calendar dates that started out happy and joyful and in the matter of moments turned into dates of pain.
For many who attended and those who ran the Boston marathon in 2013, April 15th will stand out as a tragic date. From the normal sounds of a happy crowd of people to something that sounded like a war zone this date will be seared in the minds of so many people in our nation.
It is said that two pressure cooker bombs exploded at 2:49 pm and killed three people and injured hundreds. It is sad to think that two brothers would contrive to bring harm to so many. It makes you wonder what was going on in their heads, what their background was, what belief systems were in place that they would want to hurt people?
Yet the Bible tells us, “The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out. (Jeremiah 17:9 MSG)

We can’t figure out in our own minds why bad things happen. We can’t figure out why God 
allows people to be hurt and killed and why families have to suffer as happened at the Boston Marathon last year. This is a puzzle beyond comprehension.
We know that He does promise to work all things for our good, though, and we lean on this promise. We have to realize that the Lord can always bring light out of the darkness of a heart that is deceitful and gone astray.
Americans are a resilient people; just Google “happy outcomes of the Boston Marathon tragedy 2013” and you will agree with me. From moms saying they will run again to the story of a proposal at the finish line, we can find hope. You will find poignant pictures also there.
On this sad anniversary date let us remember to pray for the families of those who have passed from this life to their reward early and also for those who are survivors. Pray, pray and pray some more that the date of running the Boston Marathon race can become a happy date again.
Donna Collins Tinsley

Monday, March 24, 2014

What Follows After by Dan Walsh, it just doesn't get any better than this

Dan Walsh is fast becoming my favorite author and has written a very poignant, challenging and intense book called "What Follows After." I find with Dan's books I usually just devour them the first time I read them. They draw me in so quickly that I make excuses to read at times that I normally would be doing something else. What Follows After made me want to read more and then as I neared the ending, I tried to slow down as suddenly I didn't want the book to end. I'll be going back to reread this book as I do with all of Dan's books to savor the story and take the lesson that he teaches well within my soul.

As a Floridian I love reading books that are based on cities that I either live in or have visited. Dan took us on a journey around the state in this book and it was more of a mystery than his other novels. I love the research and the history aspect that Dan is known for and also that it was story within a story.

What Follows After also made me think back to what I was doing in 1962; I was the older child, Colt's age back then. The suspense at times was nearly unbearable so it made me keep turning the pages and I added extra reading time at night to my schedule. What Follows After is a good history lesson for younger readers as it followed the timeline of the Cuban Missile Crisis and the reaction of people in our country.

Dan weaves as only he can a story of family dysfunction, total breakdown and then redemption in a beautiful way. It is hard to believe that the parents in the story would have their children live a lie, especially in the time frame of the story, but maybe it was because of the time frame... the "Camelot years," when families were supposed to be like the Cleavers or the Anderson's from "Father Knows Best" that they felt they had to pretend. Dan always puts an important life lesson in his books on how a strongly dysfunctional family can learn to be a healthy family.

One of my favorite chapters in the book was the church scene with Mamie Lee, who was a mother figure in the book. Reminiscent of "The Help" it was a pivotal chapter and was beautifully portrayed as the people prayed and took action to be on the alert.

I have to say that Dan's last sentence from the book summed it all up so well. What follows after just doesn't get any better than that.

Donna Collins Tinsley
Word Weavers Volusia County Group

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Linda Lee Wirth Reece Lewis, You were One of a Kind

         The Lord is good, so good to us. Today I want to mention my Mama who would’ve celebrated her 78th birthday today. She was funny, beautiful and a bit crazy all in one. She always had an old saying coming out of her mouth. She used to say "It's a great life if you don't weaken," "You have to laugh to keep from crying,” and "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." She used to tell the grandkids to go play in trafficJ

Mama also said, "Only the good die young." This must certainly be true. She died unexpectedly at age 62. Sometimes I try to imagine life with her still here. Many times I have gone over in my mind the things I wanted to do for her when she was alive. Whenever we have a family celebration or are eating at a restaurant, I am often wishing she were still alive and here enjoying herself. She loved to eat and used to say, "I'd rather die than not be able to eat what I want."
Diabetes helped that statement come true.   
     And Mama always said, "What goes around comes around." That is what I would like imitate. That is why I want to sow seeds of goodness, kindness and love because those are the types of things I want to come back to my family. Bless your children and they will bless you. Love your husband and see what a return you get.  It is the principal of "sowing and reaping."                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    
Mama, if I had you back for even one day, I would treat you like a queen. I would take you anywhere you wanted to go. I would make you whatever you liked for me to cook, carrot cake or the little fancy sandwiches for a picnic. We would find a “Po Folks” restaurant even if I had to drive you from Florida to Tennessee to do it. I would take you to a movie and to the flea market. I would rub your back with alcohol and then lotion and I would wash your tired feet with warm, scented water and my tears. I would pray a blessing upon you and show you how much I love you.
 These are thoughts I have when I think about the things my Mama used to say; I wish she were still here to say them today.
Happy birthday Mama. The Lord did a good thing when He created you. A very good thing. He is good, so good to us.

This song just seemed to fit today even though she didn’t have blue eyes and it is a love gone wrong song. She did play the heck out of a piano and the tinkling keys are great in this. She loved JohnnyJ