I found this old blog and am reposting. I thought I wished my life was
different back then, but would go back to it, if I could still have all my
children alive. Tomorrow will be the eleven-month anniversary of Amber’s
homecoming to the Lord.
Blog written several years ago.
Right now I’m thinking of the
kid’s book, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by
Judith Viorst, as a way to describe my day. Or maybe I’m having what may be
called a Velveteen type day. I think this song is so poignant and I come back
to it often.
When perfect (never quite, but that is the lyrics) turns to perfect mess
and all I have is Your love, Lord, left, I’ll be as real as real can be.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF29lM8Hz5I
But sometimes I’d rather live a
different life, a better life, a life where good hair days are the norm and
when you eat the proper amount of protein, you lose weight instead of gain it.
Sometimes, I have to admit I want to be a Walton’s family where everyone takes
turns saying “Goodnight” to their mom and dad and everyone is at home. You know
where everyone you love is, and that makes you happy. Because you know they are
safe.
A day like this
is the kind of day where I go back and reread journals and find once again,
wonderful quotes that enhance my day. And I’m hoping, maybe yours.
‘‘It is only the
women whose eyes have been washed clear with tears who get the broad vision
that makes them little sisters to all the world’’—(Dorothy Dix) A quote like
this is made for a sister, a mother, a
daughter among us and all the groups like Somebody’s Mother Online Prayer
Support Group, Thrive, Silver Linings, Winning Women and others. One thing we
all have in common is eyes washed clear with tears. Tears that shine like
diamonds to the Lord and others who meet us.
“And I never knew if you were the lighthouse, or the storm.”
(anon) I put that one in my journal. I feel something about it concerning Jesus
as the Lighthouse but he also allows storms and brings us through the storm.
But I also feel it deeply concerning people. Hopefully we can shine a light to
help others through their storms. The storms of pain, trauma, and family
division.
“Beginning
today treat everyone as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to
them all the love, care and kindness you can muster, and do it with no thought
of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.” (anon) If I choose to
do this, I’m sure my life would totally change. It is something I aspire to do.
I’m still
looking over an old journal and some of the letters I wrote to people over two
years ago would make you cry. I know I’m writing through tears but Glory to God! We’ve been through a whole lot
more than a bad hair day and survived and even thrived. I’m grateful for every
little bit of healing that Jesus has brought to our family and looking forward
to much more.
