Repost of an old blog

 

I found this old blog and am reposting. I thought I wished my life was different back then, but would go back to it, if I could still have all my children alive. Tomorrow will be the eleven-month anniversary of Amber’s homecoming to the Lord.

Blog written several years ago.

 Right now I’m thinking of the kid’s book, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst, as a way to describe my day. Or maybe I’m having what may be called a Velveteen type day. I think this song is so poignant and I come back to it often.

When perfect (never quite, but that is the lyrics) turns to perfect mess and all I have is Your love, Lord, left, I’ll be as real as real can be.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF29lM8Hz5I

 

But sometimes I’d rather live a different life, a better life, a life where good hair days are the norm and when you eat the proper amount of protein, you lose weight instead of gain it. Sometimes, I have to admit I want to be a Walton’s family where everyone takes turns saying “Goodnight” to their mom and dad and everyone is at home. You know where everyone you love is, and that makes you happy. Because you know they are safe.

A day like this is the kind of day where I go back and reread journals and find once again, wonderful quotes that enhance my day. And I’m hoping, maybe yours.

‘‘It is only the women whose eyes have been washed clear with tears who get the broad vision that makes them little sisters to all the world’’—(Dorothy Dix) A quote like this is made for a  sister, a mother, a daughter among us and all the groups like Somebody’s Mother Online Prayer Support Group, Thrive, Silver Linings, Winning Women and others. One thing we all have in common is eyes washed clear with tears. Tears that shine like diamonds to the Lord and others who meet us.

“And I never knew if you were the lighthouse, or the storm.” (anon) I put that one in my journal. I feel something about it concerning Jesus as the Lighthouse but he also allows storms and brings us through the storm. But I also feel it deeply concerning people. Hopefully we can shine a light to help others through their storms. The storms of pain, trauma, and family division.

 

“Beginning today treat everyone as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the love, care and kindness you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.” (anon) If I choose to do this, I’m sure my life would totally change. It is something I aspire to do.

I’m still looking over an old journal and some of the letters I wrote to people over two years ago would make you cry. I know I’m writing through tears but  Glory to God! We’ve been through a whole lot more than a bad hair day and survived and even thrived. I’m grateful for every little bit of healing that Jesus has brought to our family and looking forward to much more.