The Apostle Paul, A Do-Over and a Letter to Somebody’s Mother
Today in
honor of National Day of Prayer, I scanned through our member’s pictures,
praying for each one. You are covered today with love, asking the Lord that Thy
will be done in your lives and the lives of those we love. We are a beautiful,
sometimes motley, crew. I say that with the same I love use describing some of
my own family pictures.
There are a
few brave men among us, but mostly we are just mothers praying, loving, and
living as best as we can for the Lord. We stand on His Word, always. We try to
love as He does; sometimes it isn’t always relayed as that. I was thinking of
the Apostle Paul this morning and how when he had blinders on, before the Lord
truly blinded him on the road to Damascus, he thought he was doing the right
thing, by murdering Christians. No one could tell him different. He was doing
justice in his own eyes. He was living his life in a way that he thought was
the plan of God when the Lord’s plan was different. It was a way to make a
Romans 8:28 life, a life where all things work together for good.
“ Meanwhile,
Saul was still breathing out murderous threats against the Lord’s disciples. He
went to the high priest and asked him for letters to the synagogues in
Damascus, so that if he found any there who belonged to the Way, whether men or
women, he might take them as prisoners to Jerusalem. As he neared Damascus on
his journey, suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him. He fell to the
ground and heard a voice say to him, “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?”
“Who are
you, Lord?” Saul asked.
“I am Jesus,
whom you are persecuting,” he replied.
“Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must
do.” Acts 9:1-6 (NIV)
When Saul
(Paul) was blinded he didn’t know if he would ever get his sight back, he was
at the mercy of the Lord and all those who would guide him where he needed to
go. He had no idea that his path would soon be to proclaim Jesus, every day in
every way. He had no idea that Christians down the centuries would read his
writings and be encouraged. Only the Holy Spirit can open eyes the way that
Paul’s eyes needed to be opened.
Many of us
have blind spots. We pray that the Holy Spirit open our eyes and the eyes of
our loved ones. Then the true power will come and chains will be broken and
families healed. Yes, it is true that the Lord creates families in many
different ways, some by birth, some by blood and some by adoption. He is the
one who places us. I wanted a daddy like on “Father Knows Best” or “Little
House on the Prairie.” That didn’t happen. I am grateful the Lord chose to
adopt me, as I never really felt a father’s love. I melt into my true Father’s
arms of love, not being able to get close enough, stay long enough or sing loud
enough about that love.
I know that
for many people it was hard to trust Paul and that he had changed. Don’t you
know that he had a past to live down a past that in his mind, I’m sure many
times, he would ponder? He may have said, “Oh Lord, how could I have watched
them stone dear Stephen, Your beloved child, and think that was a good thing?”
“Lord, I
have killed families of people who loved you!”
“Lord, I
wish that I hadn’t done those things. I wish I hadn’t lived that way for so
long. I wish I could do it over!”
Later on we
read that Paul was a chosen vessel to bear the Lord’s name. And perhaps his
thorn in the flesh was bearing the pain of the things he had done in his past.
I hope that he was able to accept that the Lord looks at the heart. That is the
only way I can get over regrets is thinking that if someone could just look
into my heart, they would know that I would never intentionally hurt anyone.
Many of us
live with regrets; acceptance is the only thing that will get us through the
day. The Lord knew our futures when we were walking in our past. He knew the
plans He had for us for hope. He knew He loved us. He has a plan. Sometimes I
admit, I don’t like His plan because it has been painful. I want to wave a
magic wand and make everyone well, happy and whole. Life doesn’t work that way,
dear ones. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, it is for sure, as my Mama
would say. Think Corrie ten Boom, (“There is no pit so deep that He is not
deeper still”) think Joni Eareckson Tada, think Joan of Arc, (“Hold the cross
high so I may see it through the flames!”) think perhaps even yourself, a
survivor finding your way on this journey. Maybe you are like me, and wish you
had done something better as a mother, wishing you could be like the perfect ones
you see around you. I always come back to this:
All our
stories will not be the same; they don’t all end “happily ever after.” What
does that woman do, when all the Christian books end with a happy ending, and
her life seems full of pain? Where is the comfort for that daughter of
God?
What do you do when everything you dreamed for
your family seems to fall apart? What do you do when your heart keeps getting
broken, yet you want to glorify the Lord in your circumstances? Even though
there are some good things in your life, emotional pain and trauma seems to
follow you. It sometimes is all you can do to literally place one foot in front
of the other and do the next thing.
The
refreshing that you long for in the Lord just does not come. And the breaking
seems to come faster without much relief in between. You sometimes wonder if
you will have the strength to go on. Not everyone will get their “happy ending”
perhaps in the way they dreamed it. But life can still be good and we can still
look for good regardless of our circumstances. I started off this blog as I
surveyed the pictures of our prayer group, thinking how different each person
is, but they are loved.
Some have
lost children, husbands, parents, some have children in prison, some are living
with addictions, and some are just fellow sojourners bonded by prayer. Remember
today, if you don’t remember anything else from this blog that Jesus is our
answer for everything. And together we are strong.
Keep praying
and keep loving.
I encourage
you to read Acts, especially chapter nine where some of these verses are found.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/119408188089314/
Donna
Collins Tinsley
