BLOGGING ABOUT BOOKS TODAY

Today I was thinking about my top favorite books for helping families who have recovery, family pain and addiction issues. These books, in particular I’m thinking of, and I’m posting these in no particular order, although most recently I’ve read Pam's and Sandy’s book daily, as they are so relevant to what I’m going through right now. I’ve actually read these all more than once. And each was for “such a time as this.”


PRAYING OUR LOVED ONE HOME by Pam Lanhart



She had me at the introduction, “The summer of brokenness. That is what I call the season of the darkest days of my life.” For me, I call it the “year of the greatest heartbreak.”

I’m on my second reading of this book, and I fully believe I’ll probably use it with my Bible and several other devotional books, every day of my life. For as long as I live.

I was already a fan of Pam’s devotions as she has been so faithful to post on our Facebook group page, Somebody’s Mother Online Prayer Support Group. The opening scripture is a promise: His love will lead them home. Exodus 15:13


https://www.amazon.com/Praying-Our-Loved-One-Home/dp/B07NWZZS16/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?keywords=Pam+Jones+Lanhart&qid=1566561999&s=gateway&sr=8-1-fkmr0



Sandy Swenson’s Tending Dandelions: https://www.amazon.com/Tending-Dandelions-Meditations-Addicted-Children/dp/1616497203/ref=sr_1_1?crid=NWA1FAAE65HN&keywords=sandy+swenson&qid=1553526482&s=gateway&sprefix=Sandy+Swens%2Caps%2C305&sr=8-1
Not only did I feel Sandy’s pain I was pretty sure she feels mine and a host of other people’s, too. The subtitle, HONEST MEDITATIONS FOR MOTHERS WITH ADDICTED CHILDREN, is true but it can also be used and pondered by most anyone, especially if you feel like you are or have been codependent.

Some of the titles of the meditations were poignant, such as: THE LAND OF TEARS, TO LOVE AN ADDICT, TOUGHEST LOVE OF ALL, and BETTER, NOT BITTER.

Sandy poured her experience, strength and hope into these pages and this quote had her name written all over it:

"Some people make your laugh a little louder, your smile a little brighter, and your life a little better. Try to be one of those people. (ANONYMOUS) from TENDING DANDELIONS




I'm not sure if this is my most recent review or not; lost some files on the computer. I was thinking about books that have helped me along the way. My review: https://www.amazon.com/gp/customer-reviews/R2OYXZFXC7EJMH/ref=cm_cr_getr_d_rvw_ttl?ie=UTF8&ASIN=0692631704

Why Don't They JUST QUIT?: Hope for families struggling with addiction. 5th Edition

by Joe Herzanek (Author), Judy Herzanek (Contributor)

 Joe covers it all and is a "must have" for your library and a great resource to recommend. I can't say enough about this book and their website.

 "Addiction is an equal opportunity destroyer" was the most profound quote written by Joe Herzanek in "Why Don't They Just Quit?" If you are a parent of an addict you will relate to that quote profoundly. This book should be in every home if addiction has challenged your family in any way. "Why Don't They Just Quit?" is a family education course in a very easy to read book with bold subtitles, questions and answers and others stories at the end. Hope is woven all through it. There are contemporary quotes throughout, and scripture is interwoven as well as comments from the family who went through the trenches with Joe Herzanek. He has paid his dues in addiction and recovery and has gone on to be a blessing to others through his work as an addictions counselor, as a chaplain at the Boulder County Jail and the president and founder of Changing Lives Foundation.

https://www.amazon.com/Why-Dont-They-JUST-QUIT/dp/0692631704/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_sims?ie=UTF8&utm_content=buffer7bdb0&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer&fbclid=IwAR3MlCwbrEf5-60CnGQ2ldC0bQvmKo2cuhGVsDD4Ap7yRakRi0ttPX3YNLI


Praying for Your Addicted Loved One: 90 in 90 

by Sharron Cosby (Author)

This was one of my first “go to” books that was a comfort to my soul. I know Sharron and I always say, she’s the “Real deal and total package!” Her journey is unique but her focus on bible study and prayer are strong and powerful. https://www.amazon.com/Praying-Your-Addicted-Loved-One-ebook/dp/B00EXUE12Q/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?keywords=Sharron+Knight+Cosby&qid=1553527273&s=digital-text&sr=1-1-fkmr0



Another book I love for different reasons is: When I Lay My Isaac Down: Unshakable Faith in Unthinkable Circumstances. I can’t say enough about Carol’s faith and the love and hope she spreads is nothing short of a miracle of God. She glows with the Spirit’s enabling on her life. I recommend all her books but this one and A New Kind of Normal: Hope-Filled Choices When Life Turns Upside Down, are my favorites.

https://www.amazon.com/When-Lay-Isaac-Down-Circumstances/dp/161291442X/ref=sr_1_1?crid=23NGMMDB08W6J&keywords=carol+kent+books&qid=1554810777&s=books&sprefix=carol+kent%2Cstripbooks%2C169&sr=1-1



I also love The Power of a Praying Parent in the mini-books size. I wasn’t able to find the link to that one,  but here is one:


 https://www.amazon.com/dp/0736957677?aaxitk=uBduH2oV.66Xd-WTjo0s-Q&pd_rd_i=0736957677&pf_rd_p=9420597b-7dad-4cbd-a28d-7d676ac67378&hsa_cr_id=6450710550401&sb-ci-n=asinImage&sb-ci-v=https%3A%2F%2Fimages-na.ssl-images-amazon.com%2Fimages%2FI%2F612lxbfpCtL.jpg&sb-ci-a=0736957677

All these books are unique and awesome and meet a need for information, wisdom and all-around sanity for living. Even if your addicted (or mentally ill/or fill in the blanks) loved one doesn’t live with you it can still affect your life strongly. You may even see signs that are similar in your sober relatives, codependency and what they call in programs, “isms”.  


I love these books, love these authors, I hope to have my devotion book right up there with them one day.



Come join with us over at Somebody’s Mother Online Prayer Support Group. We’ll hold you up in prayer.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/119408188089314/

Let us recognize our loved ones once more

When I first heard this song, it made me wish I could write lyrics so beautiful.

"Lately I don't recognize you
The fire in your eyes is fading into embers
So while you're out there in the darkness
I'm praying you'll remember

You were made to shine
You were made for life
Even if you've lost your way
Turn and you will hear love say
You were made for more..."

I pray that many of you will take the words in deep, as addictions can change who people are and how they respond and relate to their families. Jesus came to bring us out of the darkness into His glorious light. I'm praying the Lord will give me more on these lyrics but for now It's Thursday and a great day for recovery in the state of Florida. Go to a meeting, spread some love and hope and work your program! Make a gratitude list and truly think about what you are writing down and what you have to be grateful for, we ask for grace today as we pray for those in recovery and their families:

The Complete Serenity Prayer

• God, give us grace to accept with serenity
  the things that cannot be changed,
  courage to change the things
  which should be changed,
  and the wisdom to distinguish
  the one from the other.
  Living one day at a time,
  Enjoying one moment at a time,
  Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
  Taking, as Jesus did,
  This sinful world as it is,
  Not as I would have it,
  Trusting that You will make all things right,
  If I surrender to Your will,
  So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
  And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
  Amen.

-- Reinhold Niebuhr 

Reading Between the Lines

Thank you, Eddie Jones and Christian Devotions for posting me today on Amber's birthday!

I edited an old devo to make it more like I was talking to someone:

http://www.christiandevotions.us/viewblogentry/314

Hope y'all like it! Praying every day in every way:)

If you don't feel like clicking the link, here it is:

I wept as I read the words on the closed Facebook page. I felt like they were so searing hot that if they were etched on paper it would be scorched. The mom wrote about soul torture, family chaos, and hopelessness over the way her children have turned out. The thief of addiction had ripped another family to shreds, and I could relate. I had walked in her shoes for way too many years. To say our children had gone astray was an understatement.

Moms who read this, I write to you. I write to the storm-tossed one who cannot sleep because of worry about the son or daughter on the streets. I know tears soak your pillow. You’re devastated by the abuse your child has done to themselves through addiction. You want to die.

I write to you as you pray they will call, yet at the same time you dread the next phone call. One mother cries, “Oh no, he’s in jail.” Another says, “I wish my child were in jail. At least I’d know where he was.” Stories are similar with one common thread—the mother’s love. The enemy comes to kill, steal, and destroy, and it hurts to be in the midst of his attacks.

Mom, I write to you so you will know you’re not alone in your pain and sorrow. Although the thief of addiction has killed your hopes, stolen your child, and destroyed your dreams, hang on to the last part of this verse: I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of.

Lord, I ask that You help us read between the lines of the words from hurting mothers and reach out to them in a comforting way. My child’s life changed just when I was about to give up.

Hold on to the hope that can be yours through Christ.

Donna Collins Tinsley

Help, I Need Somebody

Do you know someone who is constantly complaining that no one helps them? Perhaps addictions have taken over their life or mental disorders plague them and they seem to have lost the motivation to do anything for themselves.

I think most of us remember the old song by the Beatles, “Help!”

The lyrics could describe someone in that position:
Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being 'round
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won't you please, please help me

And now my life has changed in oh so many ways

My independence seems to vanish in the haze
But every now and then I feel so insecure

 I know that I just need you like I've never done before

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being 'round
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won't you please, please help me?*

These lyrics remind me of a Bible story. 

 Later on there was a Jewish festival (feast) for which Jesus went up to Jerusalem.

 Now there is in Jerusalem a pool near the Sheep Gate. This pool in the Hebrew is called Bethesda, having five porches (alcoves, colonnades, doorways).

 In these lay a great number of sick folk—some blind, some crippled, and some paralyzed (shriveled up)—^[a]waiting for the bubbling up of the water.

For an angel of the Lord went down at appointed seasons into the pool and moved and stirred up the water; whoever then first, after the stirring up of the water, stepped in was cured of whatever disease with which he was afflicted.

There was a certain man there who had suffered with a deep-seated and lingering disorder for thirty-eight years.

 When Jesus noticed him lying there [helpless], knowing that he had already been a long time in that condition, He said to him, Do you want to become well? [Are you really in earnest about getting well?]

The invalid answered, Sir, I have nobody when the water is moving to put me into the pool; but while I am trying to come [into it] myself, somebody else steps down ahead of me.

 Jesus said to him, Get up! Pick up your bed (sleeping pad) and walk!

 Instantly the man became well and recovered his strength and picked up his bed and walked. John 5:1-9 Amplified Bible (AMP)

Sometimes a broken mirror gives a fractured reflection just as a broken heart reflects a distorted image. This man had laid there for 38 years gazing into a distorted image reflected from the pool, an image that confirmed to him that he had no power for living. He needed help! Gazing into that pool heightened the deep-seated thoughts of helplessness within him. The next thing you knew he was battling thoughts of anger and frustration that no one would help him and people were getting in his way.

The first thing I note about these verses is, "No one will help me." On the heels of that is "Someone gets in my way." It is nearly impossible to help someone who is still in the victim mode of behavior. I notice that Jesus didn't let the man get away with excuses, He said, "Get up! Pick up your bed and walk!" He didn't say "Let me help you up, let me do it for you," He put responsibility upon the person that they be a part of the recovery process. Another translation reads, "Rise up!"

The work of the Holy Spirit even before the person is encouraged on a recovery walk can be a powerful thing. Some people may need a miracle and that is where prayer and intercession come in. Blanket that person who you know needs healing in unrelenting, incessant, and non-stop prayer!

This scripture goes along with another of my favorite stories where Peter heals a lame beggar:

One day Peter and John were going up to the temple at the time of prayer—at three in the afternoon.  Now a man who was lame from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts.  When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for money. Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, “Look at us!”  So the man gave them his attention, expecting to get something from them. Acts 3:1-6  (NIV)

Then Peter said, “Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.” 

The man gave Peter his attention, expecting something from him, perhaps a donation to keep him going and alive one more day. But Peter had the power of the Holy Spirit and knew temporarily "fixing" him or his momentary situation was not what he needed. The man needed healing to walk in wholeness and have purpose for his life. It may have seemed that he got a "quick fix" but really the daily gift of meeting the man's needs instead of looking deeply at the heart of the man and the matter was really hindering him.  We need to remember we can help, but we can’t do the work of recovery for someone else.

“Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk,” is one of my favorite verses and so often I feel like saying it to people. I don't always have money to help everyone, I can't always find the right resources for everyone even those in my family, but I can pray that in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, they can walk. Walk how, you say?

Walk in wholeness of spirit.

Walk with clarity of mind.

Walk with resources that are so readily available when pursued.

Walk with Jesus

Walk with the Holy Spirit's power.

And walk forward in prayer, not looking continually at the past. Just take that next best step even if it is a baby step, walk!

"Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man’s feet and ankles became strong.  He jumped to his feet and began to walk. Then he went with them into the temple courts, walking and jumping, and praising God.  When all the people saw him walking and praising God, they recognized him as the same man who used to sit begging at the temple gate called Beautiful, and they were filled with wonder and amazement at what had happened to him." Acts 3:7-10 (NIV)

We know that we are powerless to change another but sometimes we may need to take them by the hand until their ankles become strong. Strengthened, then they will know who gave the healing and leap about praising His name. Walk, I say in the power of the Holy Spirit. Today, just walk forward!

Instead of “Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being 'round
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won't you please, please help me?”

Perhaps the song lyrics might be changed to:

“You helped me,

I no longer feel down

I appreciate that you were around,

When I fell on bended knee,

My help was found.”

Support groups show us how to let go and let God do the work that we can’t do. Eventually the person who brought you to this place of need, will be glad that you respected them enough to back off and let them do the work of recovery themselves. If they aren’t pursuing it, they may not be ready. It might just be a part of their journey. Jesus can still take their mess and turn it into a message. They may say, “Thanks for helping put the ball right where it belonged; in my court. You helped me to help myself.”

“You helped me,

I no longer feel down

I appreciate that you were around,

When I fell on bended knee,

My help was found.”

 Donna Collins Tinsley copyright 2014

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rW2OBT-5qfc

I thought of this song while writing this; it is talking about the Breath of Heaven, which we need daily.

*Help, by the Beatles:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Q20QuQaMYI

They’re not the Waltons but They Make Me Smile Or How Some Crazy Duck-calling Family Won my Heart

Happy, happy, happy gets my attention as that is what my main dream is for my own family. To be happy, happy, happy.

Then the title “A Dynasty Built on Family and Faith” also got my attention and I figured I needed to find out how the Duck Dynasty family got so happy. It is a story in Guideposts magazine written by Korie Robertson about their life.

Along the way to a happy, happy, happy family I have taken a long detour. Maybe you have, also. What got in the way of your happy family? What came in and took your dreams. What stole the heart of your children and perhaps even your grandchildren?

Did addiction rear its ugly head and everything that you thought your adult child would become just seem to vanish one day? Did you lose a loved one, a spouse or a child and think you will never be happy again. Does someone in your family wrestle with mental illness and you wonder if all hope is gone? Did cancer invade the body of someone you love? Do you have a loved one in prison?   Life can seem anything but happy at times like these.

What can you do to get your mind into a mode of happiness again?

My first and best answer would be to find a word of hope to hold on to from the Bible. You know the kind, a scripture that just jumps out at you; instinctly deep within your heart it seems as if it was written just for you. Written for such a time as this. While you are searching for a word of your own, find one for your children or that adult child that is breaking your heart. We have to know and believe that the God who created them has a plan and it is an even better plan than you, as a parent, could even dream for them.

“O you afflicted one,
Tossed with tempest, and not comforted,
Behold, I will lay your stones with colorful gems,
And lay your foundations with sapphires.
 I will make your pinnacles of rubies,
Your gates of crystal,
And all your walls of precious stones.
 All your children shall be taught by the Lord,
And great shall be the peace of your children.” Isaiah 54:11-13

My next thought for happy, happy, happy,  is give it over to prayer. Perhaps you are saying, I do that, I pray. We all have had to come to the point of not only praying but then letting go. Let go and let God is more than a slogan said at recovery meetings. It is the real deal. As a mother, though, I have to admit, I sometimes have to let go again and again, but that is OK as the Lord looks at the heart. He knows exactly the timing that we can yield that burden to Him. He is a protective God and He knows what we can deal with and when and He won’t push us or shove us to dealing with something when it is too painful for us. He deals the same way with our families.

I’ve found that what might make me happy, happy, happy will have the opposite effect on my husband or children. Sometimes I want to scream, “Let’s just all get on the same page.” But the story written from one person’s viewpoint will have a different slant and timetable in another family member’s life and so I must yield again.

What does all this have to do with the Robertson family and their Duck Dynasty? Take a comedy break as often as you can and watch their programs and reruns. It will do your heart good to see people interacting in a loving and kind way. The way families used to interact. No they aren’t the Walton’s, they don’t live in Mayberry, but they have something to teach us. 

The main lesson is God first, and then family. In my view that is a winning combination. No, my family isn’t the Walton’s, the Griffith’s or the Robertson’s but I can learn to lighten up, smile more, listen more and embrace the unique family that the Lord is building, one day at a time. My favorite quote that I say is “There is enough love to go around.” Our family is a work in progress but one day I know I will be “Happy, happy, happy” just like the Duck Dynasty family.

http://www.guideposts.org/inspiration/inspirational-stories/a-dynasty-built-on-family-and-faith?page=full

 

 

Why Don't They Just Quit? a book by Joe Herzanek is a must-read!

 

"Addiction is an equal opportunity destroyer" was the most profound quote written by Joe Herzanek in "Why Don't They Just Quit?" If you are a parent of an addict you will relate to that quote profoundly. This book should be in every home if addiction has challenged your family in any way. "Why Don't They Just Quit?" is a family education course in a very easy to read book with bold subtitles, questions and answers and others stories at the end. Hope is woven all through it. There are contemporary quotes throughout, and scripture is interwoven as well as comments from the family who went through the trenches with Joe Herzanek. He has paid his dues in addiction and recovery and has gone on to be a blessing to others through his work as an addictions counselor, as a chaplain at the Boulder County Jail and the president and founder of Changing Lives Foundation.

 

He portrays that there are many different ways to walk a recovery walk and gives help for both the addict and their loved ones. Chapter titles such as, Dying for a Cold One, Houston we Have a Problem, Siblings, the Forgotten Ones, Different Strokes for Different Folks, Drugs, the Gifts that Keep on Giving, Whole Person Recovery, and Relapse, Plan On It make for interesting reading.

 

One quote that is key "But no matter what happens, at some point addicts need to deal with their issues, move forward and take control of their future."

 

The Questions and Answers with Joe at the end is a resource in itself and he also includes a self-test for addiction and many stories and resources at the end.

 

I felt his family's presence while reading. His mother's comments as well as his ex-wife and oldest daughter were meaningful and I have a whole new respect for Judy who tirelessly advocates her husband's work. The pain she and his new family went through as he healed from Hep C was shown. There truly are always two sides to every story and Joe does well showing the other side also.

 

Another quote from Joe, "That was then and this is now, I can't change the past no matter how traumatic it may have been, but I can change the future." He mentions, "Some parents are willing to jump in and take the blame, convinced that there was something they could have done to prevent the problem. But when my mother would ask me why I used drugs, I'd just tell her the truth: I don't like the way I feel when I'm straight."

 

Joe also says, "At some point we all need to become willing to deal honestly with our stuff. When an addict confronts his own issues, he can start to put things into perspective and make peace with the past and with himself."

 

I'm a big fan of of this book and recommend it to professionals, family and friends.

Does Suicide have a Face in your Family?

• As the Lord reminded me of many scriptures today concerning hope and help for family members and online friends that I have come to adore, I wept amazed at His goodness and care.

  
  This first scripture the Lord gave me concerning a mother among us who lost a daughter through suicide; she is celebrating her first birthday in heaven. Liana will be forever 21:
  Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort. (2 Corinthians 1:3-7)

  
  

  This mother is using her pain to try to get the word out concerning bullying and that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It is very permanent to grieving families left behind. There are many grieving among us because of losing children from substance abuse also. For those, too, we pray and commend these verses to you:)
  
  These next verses I had marked from long ago, concerning family. The first is a verse that is quoted often but there is more to glean as you read on: For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back from your captivity; I will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you, says the Lord, and I will bring you to the place from which I cause you to be carried away captive.Jeremiah 29:11-13
  
  Our loved ones can sometimes be carried captive by many things of this world but the Lord knows how and when to bring them back to their senses. Seeking and calling with all of their hearts, is the first step, but extra prayers from others may help them to do that. Sometimes it has gotten so bad, they just can't seek on their own, and for that the Lord seeks intercessors.
  I ask that you each join me today in an unspoken prayer burden (I will join with you in yours, also, we all have those things too emotional to put in writing) for someone that I love and am very concerned about.

  
  

  http://www.facesofsuicide.com/

'Tonight I will break a Parent's heart" 7 people die daily from pill overdose in FL

I was reading Hebrews 13 in The Message and some of the verses made me think about the meeting of The Substance Abuse Task Force. I am always struck by the pain of the parents that have lost children to the disease of addictions. One man introduced himself as the father of a dead child; in this case it was not an addiction problem but kids celebrating their graduation.  How heartbreaking, and yet how many of us can say, "There but by the grace of God go I ?"  Many of us realize and try to prepare ourselves for the possibility of loss in our families, with recreational pills so prevalent in the younger generation. If you are in the Daytona area, please check out the Substance Abuse Task Force monthly meeting. I am asking people of faith and more from the Faith community to show up and start praying that our city will be a light on the hill that shows a different way to live. If you are a church leader who wants to help please post or message me and I will let you know who to contact:)

 

Hebrews 13:13-16 So let's go outside, where Jesus is, where the action is—not trying to be privileged insiders, but taking our share in the abuse of Jesus. This "insider world" is not our home. We have our eyes peeled for the City about to come. Let's take our place outside with Jesus, no longer pouring out the sacrificial blood of animals but pouring out sacrificial praises from our lips to God in Jesus' name.

 Make sure you don't take things for granted and go slack in working for the common good; share what you have with others. God takes particular pleasure in acts of worship—a different kind of "sacrifice"—that take place in kitchen and workplace and on the streets. Hebrews 13


I met the (still grieving a year later) father of this boy after the meeting. I didn't want him to leave that meeting thinking that his son's death was in vain. I knew it was hard for him to make the effort to come to the meeting but I was so glad he came. The only comfort I could give was to say I would pray for him, give him a hug and the words that seemed to help, "I know when your son woke up the morning before he didn't think or plan, 'Tonight I will break my father's heart.'" Although that was what happened it was a horrible accident, of kids using one drug, one time too many. Young people are not thinking when they use recreational drugs; they are just doing it to fit in with their friends. In some small way, please get the word out, "One time may be one time too many."



 Sometimes seeing a real face to go along with the story helps; this was someone's son: http://www.news-journalonline.com/news/local/southeast-volusia/2011/06/02/new-smyrna-teen-taken-off-ventilator-dies-police-look-into-drug-connection.html

“Loving by Intervention”

I’m writing and encouraging others to write and help the Substance Abuse Task Force as they go to Tallahassee to speak about addictions and how it affects families. Trudy Duffy has mentioned a new website FAMM - Families Against Mandatory Minimums http://www.famm.org/ with important information.
For those who don’t know what The Marchman Act is, it is a legal procedure (free) that someone can be involuntarily held for about 72 hours in a detox facility. It puts your loved one on a priority list that bumps them ahead in the recovery system. It is named after a wonderful pastor in our area Hal Marchman whose church and reputation are big in Recovery in the Daytona Area and now all over. I’m sure Stewart/Marchman is named after him also; I looked up where it was at his request that the Stewart/Marchman foundation was formed.

But is isn’t as easy or as fast as we may think it will be.
If anyone wants a copy of my free copy of my story,
“Loving by Intervention” Please sign up as a follower of my blog: http://thornrose7.blogspot.com/ and then email me at ThornRose7@aol.com with the subject, “Loving by Intervention” with your email address and I will work on getting you a free copy (for your personal use only) this week.

Naive Parents

I thank Beth Patch from CBN.com for posting this recently: http://blogs.cbn.com/battlingaddictions/archive/2012/01/20/naive-no-more.aspx

If you don't have time to go there, here it is:
Naive No More

Sometimes as a mother and grandmother I find that I am just too naive about drugs and addictions so I decided to do something about it.
"Get wisdom! Get understanding! Do not forget, nor turn away from the words of my mouth. Do not forsake her, and she will preserve you; Love her, and she will keep you. Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding.” Proverbs 4:4-7
It was my first time at the Substance Abuse Task Force Forum. I soon found out that around the table sat people from all walks of life. Doctors, workers from the school system, people from the local drug treatment centers and people representing the Faith based community were all there. Addictions breaks down the barriers we sometimes feel about those in different walks of life. I was grateful to see a friend that goes to a support group for families who have loved ones with addictions and went over to sit by her.

The meeting was very well organized and well run. It became evident who was there in the professional capacity and who had been hurt by addictions personally, although they seemed at times to overlap. The people whose stories and input moved my heart most were the parents who had lost loved ones. Full of pain, anger and frustration these parents not only wanted help and resources in the community, they demanded it.

One mother said the cost of housing and providing an attorney for the man who gave her young son a lethal dose of methadone was much more than the cost of bringing NOPE* to our county. She was there to get the word out, to make sure that her beautiful son did not die in vain. She was there to help save other middle school students, if at all possible.
I remember reading about this young teenager earlier in the year, whose body was found after dumpster diving for drugs. As I read the newspaper article my heart went out to this mother. She was in my prayers. The man responsible has been indicted on a charge of first-degree felony murder in connection with the death.

The perpetrator told the children how to retrieve discarded Methadone bottles from the dumpster. The boys went into the dumpster and retrieved two large bags full of plastic Methadone bottles. The trio returned to a home where small amounts of Methadone from each bottle was extracted and shared with the two boys.

The boys later became sick and passed out. The woman at the forum's son never awoke and was discovered dead the next morning. This man used teenagers to get his high from drugs and now one boy is not alive and there is another grieving mother because of drugs. What a horrible thing to happen to a young child at the hand of his neighbor.
How heartbreaking for this mother, yet she was there to try and make a difference for another family, so perhaps they can be spared the pain she has experienced.

We all need to become more educated concerning what is going on in our communities. As Forums are provided within the community, take advantage of the knowledge and education provided. And then pass it on to others in need. I think "naive no more" will be my motto as I strive to "get wisdom."

The Message says it this way:

Sell everything and buy Wisdom! Forage for Understanding!

Don't forget one word! Don't deviate an inch!

Never walk away from Wisdom—she guards your life;

love her—she keeps her eye on you.

Above all and before all, do this: Get Wisdom!

Write this at the top of your list: Get Understanding!

Throw your arms around her—believe me, you won't regret it;

never let her go—she'll make your life glorious.

She'll garland your life with grace,

she'll festoon your days with beauty."

Dear friend, take my advice;

it will add years to your life.

I'm writing out clear directions to Wisdom Way,

I'm drawing a map to Righteous Road.

I don't want you ending up in blind alleys,

or wasting time making wrong turns.

Hold tight to good advice; don't relax your grip.

Guard it well—your life is at stake. The Message Proverbs 4:5-9

Donna Collins Tinsley

Donna Collins Tinsley, wife, mother and grandmother, lives in Port Orange, Florida and has been included in several magazines and book compilations. Find her at Facebook, http://thornrose7.blogspot.com/ or join Somebody’s Mother Online Prayer Support Group at http://www.facebook.com/groups/119408188089314?id=244911885538943

Please email her at Thornrose7@aol.com /

*Narcotics Overdose Prevention and Education http://www.nopetaskforce.org/

Winning Women for Christ Retreat

I am grateful to be home from GA and the Winning Women for Christ Retreat at St. Simon's. The Lord was near to all and as always He showed me that there are so many hurting families that need His touch in a mighty way. Addictions, family disharmony, hurts and so many prayer requests abounded there and it confirmed my belief that there are no perfect families, just a lot of us as a work in progress. The highlight of the Retreat for me was hearing the beautiful, transparent testimony of Linda Froman. What a survivor she is! And as always attending early morning prayer led by my mentor, Anita Smith and attending the coolest mini-session ever by Kathy Sinex Thomas. I was just bummed that I wasn't able to attend Laurie Barker Copeland's session but since I was doing mine at the same time it was impossible. Sharon Jaynes was an awesome speaker with a lot to glean from; I'll be pondering those messages for a long time.
Thanks to my daughter, Shiloh for setting up the room as a type of construction zone and cheering me on, when I felt inadequate. I pray that the Lord will show me His next best plan for me and that I can do as this quote says, "The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say." ~ Anaïs Nin

Mentoring the Addicted Soul

I was blessed to be included on the Battlling Addictions Blog again. Check it out:)

http://blogs.cbn.com/battlingaddictions/

You are going to Love "The Sights and Sounds of Enabling"

"The Sights and Sounds of Enabling" Is the first ebooklet of the Putting the Spotlight On series, written by Diane Viere, Founder of Partners In Prayer For Our Prodigals, Host of The Prodigal Hope Network and Christian Counselor and Elaine Altman-Eller, Family Recovery Specialist.

If you have seen these ladies online, you might think they are just a couple of pretty faces but don't let those profile pictures fool you; they are a wealthy storehouse of wisdom. I could not stop until I read the whole e-book through and will be rereading it again. From the very beginning of the book where Elaine points out how "Enabling never creates the outcome we so desperately desire; it only creates an environment whereby we become part of the problem................. to where she says, "When we enable we join the darkness of their journey" the beauty of the words of this e-book pulled me in. She then points out how we can become a light in our child’s life; a beacon. What a wonderful picture of health! Isn't that what we all aspire to, being a light and a beacon to others?

Elaine gives clear definitions between helping someone and enabling, something we all need to know. She talks about entitlement calling it the monster that it is.
There are several case studies that were very in-depth. You feel like you have either been there or know someone who has.

Next in the book your E-Hope coach, Diane, is introduced and she has the most awesome remedies for your dilemma if you are an enabler. She reiterates; "There is a way out—we must stop enabling and begin empowering. We are not helpless; oh, it has seemed so, for we have been fighting an impossible battle—we have been trying to change what we cannot change. Real change is possible when we choose to stop enabling."

I also love her quote "When you love an adult child whose life is out of control, it is nearly impossible to focus on anything else. Unless and until you begin to understand that enabling only complicates every situation and causes further collateral damage, you will continue to be part of the problem."
Can you believe as an enabler you are creating damage and are part of the problem? Of course, we don't want to believe these things but Diane has nailed the problem, and it may be us, not just our loved ones.
Diane also mentioned: "Until parents relinquish the need to micro-manage everyone in their addicts life, they will remain entangled in the drama and continue to participate in the collateral damage of enabling."

She teaches about fear and how to turn that into empowerment. A great point is "After all, it is his right as an adult to behave differently than I would like."

In Diane's own words: The Sights and Sounds of Enabling puts the spotlight on the ineffectiveness and collateral damage caused by enabling. Discover why enabling never works and how you can stop enabling today. Step out of the darkness of your hopelessness today; step into your strength—learn how to love your addict effectively and become a guiding light for their recovery.

I identified with so many things written, as in "been there, done that" and am trying to not continue on that path. I believe this e-book can help us in so many areas of our lives.

You will not regret the money you spend on this e-book. It is way cheaper than a counseling session but I believe it is just as beneficial. Enjoy!

Here is a link to purchase the e-book:

http://www.partnersinprayerforourprodigals.com/e-booklets.html

PartnersInPrayerForOurProdigals.com


©2011 Diane Viere, Partners in Prayer for Our Prodigals,

The Prodigal Hope Network, Elaine Altman-Eller

Still Not the Cleavers!

We are still not the Cleavers! Still trying still failing but thank God Jesus loves, forgives and upholds us anyway. If you wonder what I am talking about I am rewriting and reposting my Christmas blog; it works for everyday stuff, too:)
Gladness for the Dysfunctional Family
At our house, I have a saying, “We’re Not the Cleavers, But That Never Stopped us from Wishing We Were.” The Cleavers, the Walton’s, the Ingall’s, we would be happy to have any resemblance to those families. You might find us listed at “Dysfunctional R Us” or on Facebook with the tags: painful childhood, loss of loved ones, overcoming addictions and trauma, or we might remind you of the old Hee-Haw song, “Gloom despair and agony on me,” If it were’t for bad luck we’d have no luck at allJ. Did I make you smile yet? But for Jesus and His Word that is ever living in my heart, soul and life we would go under! And perhaps your family would also, as you wonder what has happened to your "normal" life with the economy spiraling downward, sicknesses, accidents, and natural disasters abounding.
Oh, satisfy us early with Your mercy,

That we may rejoice and be glad all our days!

Make us glad according to the days in which You have afflicted us,

The years in which we have seen evil.

Let Your work appear to Your servants,

And Your glory to their children.

And let the beauty of the LORD our God be upon us,

And establish the work of our hands for us;

Yes, establish the work of our hands.

Psalm 90:14-17 (New King James Version)
I love these verses in Psalm 90, I was so astounded that the Lord would actually take the days of pain and affliction that we have gone through and make us happy according to them.
Is it possible that He would give joy as He allowed sorrow? Isn't that the premise of Romans 8:28 when it is said that He will work all things to our good?

What encouraging words and what a wonderful prayer to pray today and every day. Make us glad according to the days wherein thou hast afflicted us, and the years wherein we have seen evil. ASV

Oh that the Lord would fill us with love and joy as we seek Him in the morning. It truly would give us a song to sing and a story to tell to our families and friends. How many of us want to proclaim His greatness to our children and grandchildren? Most of us do and we can by reminding them of these precious words from the Psalms.
It is okay to ask the Lord to treat us well and give us success. In my life I have felt afflicted with abuses, hurt and losses but I can prevail by focusing on the good that will come eventually. If I had not endured these things I would not be the person I am today. I was on the road to being a spoiled brat as a young girl and then my world was rocked by pain and I learned to look outside of myself. I learned that others are more important than myself. I learned about self-sacrifice from a mother who worked so many hours a week at forty-five cents an hour for years just to feed her children as my sweet Mama did. I learned that my brothers and sister were overcomers in life as they just did what they could to enjoy what little we had. We all learned that we had a lot more than many others. We learned to share what we had and that it is not material things that count but strength, maturity and kindness that will prevail all the days the Lord gives us. We learned that life isn’t about what material things we have but it is about faith, family, friends and remembering we have an awesome Saviour. One whose life was not perfect, either.
My message may be different than most people's, but I guess the slant He gives me fits some families. You know: the dysfunctional, but trying ones, the funny, but forgiven ones, the once hopeless but now Hope-filled ones! To God be the Glory! Affliction to gladness; it's the way of the Cross and the way our own Saviour took. I believe it is the way to hope for this life.

Prayer: Lord, thank you that we can be glad according to Your Word and the promises You give. We may always see evil around us but You will give us joy.
Thought for the Day: We have seen years of trouble.

Now give us as much joy as you gave us sorrow.
Prayer Focus: Dysfunctional families and the ones who love them.


Here are some other versions of the scriptures:

Fill us with your love every morning.

Then we will sing and rejoice all our lives.

We have seen years of trouble.

Now give us as much joy as you gave us sorrow.

Show your servants the wonderful things you do;

show your greatness to their children.

Lord our God, treat us well.

Give us success in what we do;

Yes, give us success in what we do.

Psalm 90:14-17 (New Century Version)



Oh! Teach us to live well!

Teach us to live wisely and well!

Come back, GOD—how long do we have to wait?—

and treat your servants with kindness for a change.

Surprise us with love at daybreak;

then we'll skip and dance all the day long.

Make up for the bad times with some good times;

we've seen enough evil to last a lifetime.

Let your servants see what you're best at—

the ways you rule and bless your children.

And let the loveliness of our Lord, our God, rest on us,

confirming the work that we do.

Oh, yes. Affirm the work that we do! Psalm 90:12-17 (The Message)

Broken People

Many people are broken and hurting and need love, prayers and support groups. I belong to several groups and find hope and healing in each one. The Winning Women Bible Study group where the ladies held me up in prayer for years, was the first group. Several years ago I joined another group as mentioned in the article and I now am happy to be a part of Celebrate Recovery. My husband, Bill, teaches a recovery message at Men of Destiny in St. Cloud, FL. Recovery is alive and well in the State of Florida:)
Thanks to Beth Patch at CBN.com for including me, today. There are some great resources on this site for hurting and broken people!

Somebody’s Daughter Program to "Make a difference in our community"

In honor of “Make a Difference Day” I am posting an idea I had many years ago for a way that people in churches could help women in need of recovery. I will be sending out church letters to some local churches; it is something the Lord put on my heart about 8 years ago when I was first writing the book, “Somebody’s Daughter."

Make a Difference Day /Somebody’s Daughter Program
I am a mother who is concerned about drug usage and rehabilitation in the state of Florida. My burden is especially for women who have been on a cycle of drug abuse, jail, treatment and relapse. It seems to me there are more resources for men coming out of jail than for women, and even less caring community help for older women who may have children or have led more of a “street life.”

As a woman and a mother I am familiar with the problem. I have a 43-year-old daughter who has a history of incarcerations in the Volusia County Correctional Facility. She has been in this cycle off and on for over 20 years. I’m sure that, if she could, my daughter would go back and erase the time she took the first narcotic. But sadly my ex-husband was the one who first gave drugs to our daughter. He was a pedophile who started her on the downward spiral of addiction. Although I have tried implementing parts of this program with her I find that sometimes mentoring by someone outside of the family can have a greater impact and success. She is drug free over 2 years now and has made great strides in her life. She is often asked to be a speaker at Recovery programs and is a member of several programs. She works the steps through personal groups, NA and AA groups.

I have been trying to think of ways for the community to help without having to depend on the State for a lot of financial aid. I believe a challenge to faith based organizations and churches might provide an outreach in conjunction with treatment programs. I would like to see church members, willing and trained, to do the type of mentoring that mends lives and also saves the taxpayers money.
On the attached excerpt from my writing, I offer some thoughts that perhaps you might consider when you have the opportunity to challenge the members of your church or faith-based organization in outreach and mentoring.

I wrote a book called “Somebody’s Daughter.” As women, each of us is somebody’s daughter, and each family has their own painful reasons for the things they do. I may not be able to help my daughter, I may not be able to help your daughter, but by God’s grace, we can all help “Somebody’s Daughter.” I welcome input into this idea, as I don’t feel the Lord has given me the whole picture yet on this idea. In the past years I wrote First Lady Columba Bush when they were in office, as I thought it might be beneficial for her daughter, Noelle, to have a way to give back to the community. I also wrote First Lady Laura Bush for her input and may be sending a letter to First Lady Obama. As far as I can see this would not be something that would cost the state anything as each church member would see it as a way to become a volunteer or a “point of light” in their community.

I would welcome your thoughts by e-mail: Thornrose7@aol.com

Thank you very much for your time.

Sincerely,
Donna Collins Tinsley

Somebody’s Daughter Program

We want to broaden welfare reform by making it easier for faith-based groups to be involved in the tackling of hopelessness and despair.
From a campaign letter, 2002, President Bush

For many years the Lord has put something in my heart concerning churches helping women caught in the addiction, jail and treatment cycle. I believe if many churches in a city would commit to “adopt” a wounded woman (one woman per church) we would see a better chance at true recovery. There seem to be many programs for men when they get out of jail and not as many for women (An example is FL/GA area Teen Challenge programs have eight in-house facilities: six are for men). They sometimes turn to their old lifestyle patterns sooner because they have less support. Or they are more able to find a man to support them in their old habit.

Many times on WAPN “Prayer Line” and in the community I have heard people say they are ready to be there for the men when they get out of jail. There are a lot more treatment centers for men and more “Teen Challenge” centers also. Yet the women are very needy. They may have lost everything including children. My daughter did, but is now finding the Lord’s favor & recovery.

I say, “adopt” because I believe adoption is in the heart of God. We can go to Him and say “Abba Father,” because He has adopted us. It is a true love relationship. The reason I suggest one church, one woman is because if the whole church could share the burden of mentoring and providing support services to that one woman, it would not be so hard on a few families or Christian brothers or sisters. People in recovery need to be with loving, responsible people so they don’t have idle time. They also need to be in family situations instead of relationships where their “user mode” kicks in and they find themselves in a sexual situation or temptation.

A woman in recovery needs a lot of encouragement, but she needs practical things also, such as transportation to NA, AA or Overcomers Meetings, or to a job. They need to learn to become responsible and how to use their time wisely. They need to learn to give, as their life has become very self-centered. Their habit has called out to them to be filled, and that has been their main focus. They have forgotten what it is like to be part of a family or how to interact with their loved ones. They need to be with safe people. But they also need to be safe and not toxic to people. If this has been a long cycle of drug usage, they have used people instead of loving them. They need help to find their way back. H. B. London and Neil Wiseman give an answer they believe will help children in our society. In the book, “It Takes a Church…Within A Village” that answer can work perfectly for the wounded woman also. I have inserted “wounded women” where they had children written in the original text. The question was “What must the church do?"
The church is being called and challenged to deal with a void in our society. “Wounded women” need more tightknit, trusted, nurturing relationships. “Wounded women” need adults who can model Christ for them and introduce them to a loving Savior. In a world today where women grow up with so much violence hatred, anger abuse, neglect, and so many evils, the church must become the village that creates, establishes and lives out Christian values. The church must become the most meaningful fellowship that exists to meet the needs of our decaying society.

This is a complex subject, and I don’t believe the Lord has finished showing me what He wants in the matter. From my research, I feel asking for recommendations from the local treatment centers or recovery centers (Such as The Haven, Serenity House or Avenues 12) for names of those women that they think may follow through with help from the community. That may be the best place to find that one woman your church would choose to adopt. The concept is not “village mentality,” but it is putting recovery where it belongs: within the body of believers. There is no healing that is permanent except through the Lord. But I believe willing people working together can help a “wounded woman” become an Overcomer. Remember when you help a daughter you are helping a mother also. After all these years with this in my heart, I am also open to churches using the plan for a “Somebody’s Son” outreach also.

Donna Collins Tinsley 2010 Book addendum

10/23/10

386 756-5553

thornrose7@aol.com Please put “Somebody’s Daughter” as the subject.