Mentoring the Addicted Soul

I was blessed to be included on the Battlling Addictions Blog again. Check it out:)

http://blogs.cbn.com/battlingaddictions/

You are going to Love "The Sights and Sounds of Enabling"

"The Sights and Sounds of Enabling" Is the first ebooklet of the Putting the Spotlight On series, written by Diane Viere, Founder of Partners In Prayer For Our Prodigals, Host of The Prodigal Hope Network and Christian Counselor and Elaine Altman-Eller, Family Recovery Specialist.

If you have seen these ladies online, you might think they are just a couple of pretty faces but don't let those profile pictures fool you; they are a wealthy storehouse of wisdom. I could not stop until I read the whole e-book through and will be rereading it again. From the very beginning of the book where Elaine points out how "Enabling never creates the outcome we so desperately desire; it only creates an environment whereby we become part of the problem................. to where she says, "When we enable we join the darkness of their journey" the beauty of the words of this e-book pulled me in. She then points out how we can become a light in our child’s life; a beacon. What a wonderful picture of health! Isn't that what we all aspire to, being a light and a beacon to others?

Elaine gives clear definitions between helping someone and enabling, something we all need to know. She talks about entitlement calling it the monster that it is.
There are several case studies that were very in-depth. You feel like you have either been there or know someone who has.

Next in the book your E-Hope coach, Diane, is introduced and she has the most awesome remedies for your dilemma if you are an enabler. She reiterates; "There is a way out—we must stop enabling and begin empowering. We are not helpless; oh, it has seemed so, for we have been fighting an impossible battle—we have been trying to change what we cannot change. Real change is possible when we choose to stop enabling."

I also love her quote "When you love an adult child whose life is out of control, it is nearly impossible to focus on anything else. Unless and until you begin to understand that enabling only complicates every situation and causes further collateral damage, you will continue to be part of the problem."
Can you believe as an enabler you are creating damage and are part of the problem? Of course, we don't want to believe these things but Diane has nailed the problem, and it may be us, not just our loved ones.
Diane also mentioned: "Until parents relinquish the need to micro-manage everyone in their addicts life, they will remain entangled in the drama and continue to participate in the collateral damage of enabling."

She teaches about fear and how to turn that into empowerment. A great point is "After all, it is his right as an adult to behave differently than I would like."

In Diane's own words: The Sights and Sounds of Enabling puts the spotlight on the ineffectiveness and collateral damage caused by enabling. Discover why enabling never works and how you can stop enabling today. Step out of the darkness of your hopelessness today; step into your strength—learn how to love your addict effectively and become a guiding light for their recovery.

I identified with so many things written, as in "been there, done that" and am trying to not continue on that path. I believe this e-book can help us in so many areas of our lives.

You will not regret the money you spend on this e-book. It is way cheaper than a counseling session but I believe it is just as beneficial. Enjoy!

Here is a link to purchase the e-book:

http://www.partnersinprayerforourprodigals.com/e-booklets.html

PartnersInPrayerForOurProdigals.com


©2011 Diane Viere, Partners in Prayer for Our Prodigals,

The Prodigal Hope Network, Elaine Altman-Eller

Words and Scriptures to hold on to today!

I have been thinking about this scripture for days and wanted to share a bit about what it means to me and my hopes for the Somebody's Mother Online Prayer Support Group.

For over 20 years Anita Smith, Ginny Long, Nancy Cox and the women from the Winning Women Bible study group have held my hands up as they prayed with me and for my family. Many have been the trials and hard times along the way but I always knew they were praying and it was what kept me going. As we pray for one another each day, know we are helping a sister or brother win battles that they could not win alone. The battle is the Lord's my friend, and they will be won by him in His time. Never give up!


Joshua obeyed Moses and went to fight the Amalekites, while Moses, Aaron, and Hur went to the top of the hill. As long as Moses held his hands up, the Israelites would win the fight, but when Moses put his hands down, the Amalekites would win. Later, when Moses' arms became tired, the men put a large rock under him, and he sat on it. Then Aaron and Hur held up Moses' hands—Aaron on one side and Hur on the other. They kept his hands steady until the sun went down. So Joshua defeated the Amalekites in this battle. Exodus 17:10-13 New Century Version (NCV)


I'm inserting a paraphrase here: So Somebody's Mother Online Prayer Support Group defeated the enemy in this battle on earth called life.

Deuteronomy 1:29-31

Then I said to you, Dread not, neither be afraid of them.


The Lord your God Who goes before you, He will fight for you just as He did for you in Egypt before your eyes,
And in the wilderness, where you have seen how the Lord your God bore you, as a man carries his son, in all the way that you went until you came to this place.


And you shall chase your enemies, and they shall fall before you by the sword. (of the Spirit, I'm inserting here)
Five of you shall chase a hundred, and a hundred of you shall put ten thousand to flight; your enemies shall fall before you by the sword (of the Spirit and Word of faith through prayer). Leviticus 26:7-8,

These are words and Scriptures to hold on to today!

If you haven't joined us please do:


http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/119408188089314/

Into His Hands

Thanks to Beth Patch for giving me the fastest acceptance of any submission I ever submitted; about 10 minutes:)

 

http://blogs.cbn.com/battlingaddictions/archive/2011/07/27/into-his-hands.aspx

Please click the link. I may put it on later for those who don't like to search:)

Grace Builders and Me

Cecil Murphey wrote an article called, “Grace Builders” about the people who sometimes criticize us or rub us wrong. He gave several examples and each had been painful to his heart. Yet in the end he realized that those people were used by God to help him grow.

He talked about a 45 minute lecture he had received as a young pastor by some sisters that wanted to show him the error of his ways.


“As I walked out of the house, depression weighted me down. Their criticism hurt. I sat in my car for several minutes and prayed in deep anguish. By the end of the day, however, I had grasped one significant fact about those three sisters. They were God's grace builders in my life.”(Cecil Murphey)
Grace Builders is a beautiful name to call those who rub us raw sometimes in the name of Christian love and correction. Grace Builders! Do you have any? Maybe they belong to your family, maybe as Brother Cec mentions at the end, you yourself are one.
I have often thought how the scriptures talk about Paul and Barnabus and their parting over John Mark (Acts 15:39). I think about the apostles who would’ve just stayed together in the Upper Room instead of scattering to get the gospel out to more people, if they hadn’t had some Grace Builders around. I think about how we sometimes want to have a happy, close family but all that closeness and contentment may hinder the Lord’s true purpose of getting the word out of His grace to others who are dealing with family dysfunction. The word that His grace is sufficient for all things. Even dreams that don’t come true, at least not today. Never give up, though; Grace is coming through.

#11PublishingSecrets by @MaryDeMuth http://bit.ly/jRIh4d

Mary is an awesome writer in all genres. As an Ebook, I thought for the price I would be getting about 24 pages, as that has been the case with similar buys. This was full book size. I love this comment from her, "If I ever figure out the secret to getting published, I will share it with anyone who is interested." Mary has shared her heart and soul and has the most giving spirit around. I have read many of her fiction and nonfiction books and she gives so much to so many. You will not regret buying this; it is a must-have if you are on your way to publication and I think even seasoned writers will be educated as well.



If you don’t want to be published, DON’T buy #11PublishingSecrets by @MaryDeMuth http://bit.ly/jRIh4d


I recommend that you buy it!

What Encourages and Inspires You?

I’m rereading Janice Elsheimer’s book The Creative Call: An Artist's Response to the Way of the Spirit (Writers' Palette Book)
 http://www.amazon.com/Creative-Call-Artists-Response-Writers/dp/0877881383/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1310564089&sr=8-1


I am trying to do the exercises that go along with the page readings. Here is one response. What encourages and inspires me?


Words encourage me, the Word, life, breath of truth, books encourage me. Lives inspire me, babies, beauty, children, people, faith, age, and kindness, sharing; all these inspire me.


Love inspires and encourages me to be a better me. Jaycee Dugard that lived 18 years of Hell without becoming bitter inspires me. Her mother and the hope that she held on to, inspires me. Little Caylee’s big brown eyes inspire me.


People who become better instead of bitter inspire me. The hope of happiness and reconciliation inspires and encourages me; the hope of it through Jesus Christ and Him only who will get all glory. My family inspires and encourages me but the love of Jesus is my chief inspiration and it will always be that way.

My take on Justice for Caylee

How can we come to grips with what was deemed as Justice in an Orlando courtroom?

It certainly didn’t look like there was justice for little Caylee.


Having found this case consuming our thoughts and the media coverage, it is hard to get by without saying something about it.


I have all along asked for prayer for the Anthony family especially Cindy as I relate so to a grandmother who is grieving. Yet I know that the Lord loves and created Casey, also.


I have always said I wouldn’t want someone to judge me and I look to God to judge and bring justice and truth from the many horrible lies that have been in and around this family. There were so many times that I just prayed, Lord let her just stand up, say “I can’t take it anymore, Caylee drowned or ………, I admit I knew all along” and then take whatever consequences would come.


There are many Christians who are praying right now. One Youtube site said that Casey will be used of the Lord one day and that God told her that she was innocent.


I do know that the Lord has a plan for good and redemption for everyone.


I only hope that as portrayed years ago in a “Touched by an Angel” segment when little Casey was on her way to heaven there were angels holding, buffering and loving her.



I just reread a letter I wrote in 2009 to Cindy Anthony


One thing I said in the letter:

I just also wanted to let you know that I am not a judging person. I know the only thing you can do in your situation is just pray to get through the day. I only want to help lighten your load, if possible.


Pray and get through the day; that is our only option besides trying to fill our minds with what things that are good and encouraging.


I know Cindy loves her daughter regardless. That was evidenced by the comments that were made by her when she saw Casey for the first time after sentencing. Her remarks about how pretty she looked, a mother always notices those things and in her heart, Casey as well as Caylee has always been there. I think she feels that Caylee is gone, she is with the Lord. There is nothing she can do for Caylee now. When there was hope she was alive, she did everything she could. That time is past.
Who knows how this story will end? I have to say it is one of the saddest and most painful I have ever heard or read about in my life.

Romans 8::28
A good link from FOF http://www.focusonlinecommunities.com/blogs/Finding_Home/2011/07/06/the-casey-anthony-verdict

I Loved Chasing Sunsets by Eva Marie Everson!

What did I love about Chasing Sunsets? Everything! Having been, at one point of my life, a single mother myself for a time, I could really identify with Kim’s feelings on so many levels. The characters were well described right down to the clothes they wore, the places in Cedar Key were inviting, the beauty described on God’s sunrises and sunsets; awesome!


As I became engaged in the novel I so didn’t want it to end, yet found myself going back to it every chance I had during the day. With two more in the series to come, I am thinking someone should make a movie out of this one.
Faith was intertwined, but real subjects like alcoholism, addiction issues and child custody issues were touched on, also. I loved having someone talk about the denial in families where the disease of alcoholism shows up and the help that is offered by Al-anon and other meetings. It was well researched in every area. I wept, when Kim came face to face with the family secret.
Eva Marie Everson and Revell have taken novel writing to an even higher level than before. I can’t wait for the next one!

Donna Collins Tinsley


http://www.amazon.com/Chasing-Sunsets-Cedar-Key-Novel/dp/080073436X/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1310041870&sr=1-2

God’s Waiting Room

Because I am seeing so many mothers hurting, I’m posting a story I wrote back when my oldest daughter was in the midst of her addiction. I am proud to say she is nearly 3 years sober now and is working on making the rest of her life count, helping others along the way.


God’s Waiting Room

I’ll never forget the day my friend called me “the mother of dreams.” We were talking on the phone at that time. I was discouraged; she was cheering me up. She meant it in a special way, as if I was the mother of her dreams, a prayer warrior, faithful and kind. Yet I, knowing myself as I do, struggling at times to just keep my sanity, heard it as what I truly am, a “mother who dreams.”


I dream of the day when my daughter will be whole and not have to depend on illegal drugs to get through the day. I dream of sanity in our lives instead of chaos. I dream of peace and right standing with God for all my children and grandchildren. I dream of testimonies given of overcoming by God’s grace and the mercy He lavishes upon us each day. I dream of happiness, wholeness and health. I dream of restored relationships. I dream of learning to go down a different path and being happy to stay on it, instead of falling in the dark pits of familiarity. And I dream of the day that all my children will be taught of the Lord, and great will be the peace of my children.


“Then you will know that I am the LORD those who hope in me will not be disappointed."


Isaiah 49:23;


Yet amidst these dreams, as we are waiting, we often feel disappointed. Is it wrong to feel disappointed with God? Philip Yancey wrote a whole book on the subject. “Disappointment With God,” tells many stories of real people going through literal “hell on earth” and realistically examines their plights and questions. I would recommend this book and also his book “Searching For an Invisible God,” if you have ever felt like you don’t understand the ways of the Lord.


What I want to do now is to remind us to hope in God. I have started researching the word “hope” as found in the Bible. If you are in “God’s Waiting Room” you are probably in need of encouragement, and the word of God is the greatest encouragement I know of. Even a study on the book of Job will bring hope when we see the restoration at the end.


But so many of us in “God’s waiting room” may feel as though we have been forgotten, as so often happens at a doctor’s office. We may see people who came in after us, go in first, or when we finally get in to the inner examining room we still find ourselves waiting. We have been stripped down, perhaps cold and frightened about what the doctor is going to say or do, and worrying. I don’t know about you, but I find that a very frustrating experience.


For the Christian there are no guarantees on the outcome of a situation. As noted in Hebrews 11 the great faith chapter we don’t all see the conclusion of the things God has planted in our hearts. But we can still look with hope for the promise.


The book of Hebrews starts off with hope:


Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for. Hebrews 11:1

Yet even as I speak this word of encouragement I know that many of you have lost hope in your child, in your life even in your future. It is hard to hope in what you cannot see. But just take it a step at a time, a day at a time, even a moment at a time. Pray for the strength to just do the next thing that needs to be done. It may have nothing to do with the child that has gone astray. The next thing you may need to do is learn to take care of yourself. Maybe you have beat yourself up with guilt over the things you think you should’ve done or could’ve done that you are walking weary and wounded. Learn to be good to yourself. Treat yourself well. The commandment about loving your neighbor as you love yourself---you would be kind to a neighbor, so kindly take care of yourself and those that are right before you.


There are some of you in whom the Lord would say, “the world was not worthy of them.” He would say to you that He has seen your walk of faith through the pain of living in this world. He knows you are not perfect in your endeavors but He knows you have tried. He knows you love your child, and you, His child, are loved by Him with an everlasting love. He sees the big picture that we cannot see. He loves your child more than you can ever imagine, although as a parent yourself, you feel that no one could match the love you feel. He will draw a hurting parent close. He does not forget your labor of love towards your child and to Him your heavenly Father. The sacrifice of praise while we are in God’s waiting room is of great value to Him. You cannot change anyone but yourself. And only God can change a heart bent on going its own way.

Donna Collins Tinsley
If it costs you nothing, it's worth nothing! Endurance is the price tag of achievement. Listen, "We pray that you'll have the strength...not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the...strength God gives...that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy" (Col 1:11 The Message).