We Forgot How To Be Family

We Forgot How To Be Family

I’ve had this title in my mind for some time now and have wanted to write an article but I haven’t been able to get my thoughts together. For now, this is all I could put on paper, as sometimes the sadness pertaining to the title is overwhelming. Yes, there are a lot of extenuating circumstances that led us to this place and every family member has their own story. I can only work on mine.

Sometimes we all wish we could have that picture perfect family. But along the way of life something tragic happened to mine.

We Forgot How To Be Family

 So shall they fear

The name of the LORD from the west,

And His glory from the rising of the sun;

When the enemy comes in like a flood,

The Spirit of the LORD will lift up a standard against him. Isaiah 59:19 (NKJV)

We forgot how to be family.

Lord, we need help,

We forgot how to look

At each other with love,

Lord, we need help.

The many years, the tears

The toil, the pain,

Made us feel

That we could never regain

Never be true family.

Lord we need help!

It seemed so simple

Way back when

We were innocent

We had dreams but then…

We had no real role models

For how to do it

Only Jesus

To help us through it,

How can we forget

To live the Golden Rule?

How could we allow the enemy's tools

To prevail?

Like a flood He came in

Through the anxieties

Of the world,

Like a flood he came in

A tornado of pain swirled.

But the Spirit of the Lord

Will set a standard,

An escape

No hooded hero

With a cape.

But a God/man,

Christ Jesus, our Lord.

We forgot how to be family

Lord, help us remember

Help us now, I pray.

Donna Collins Tinsley

There once was a little girl who believed in Fairy Tales. She not only believed in them she loved them so much. Her book by Hans Christian Anderson both thrilled her and scared her. But she read on. She laughed, she cried, she dreamed and danced pretending to be some of those characters.

Graduation Day Musings

Sunday a day of rest, renewal and worship.

We come to You today rejoicing with all those who are graduating or have graduated this week. My little grand-girlie, Aryel graduated Pre-K this week, jumping about singing and dancing to Overcomer by Mandisa. Tonight we see my oldest and first grandson Austin Triplett graduate at the Ocean Center. We are so proud of him and the wonderful man he is becoming, always beautiful in spirit.

Happy Graduation Day, Austin!

A ll-around great guy!

U ltimate grandson

S o entertaining and funny

T houghtful and considerate

I nteresting, handsome and a winner

N o one like him

Austin, our lives were forever changed when you came in to our world. You are a world-changer and have been that long before the phrase, “world-changer” became common.  You were called from the womb with a great calling and many gifts from our Lord, Jesus Christ. There was prophecy given about you preaching and being mighty and powerful and we are very excited to see in what way the Lord will bring that about. We all know that every day our lives are the only Bible that some people will read. Yours is a beautiful one with pages that will be filled with a great story of love and a life well lived. We are proud of you, grandson.

And also an editorial for a friend in memory of his son:

Each year I try to get this editorial in the local paper and fail. But because I read a Facebook post from a mother whose son overdosed and was left in a ditch to die, I once again will try to get these thoughts out to our communities. The key part being this, if you don't have time to read the whole editorial:  "Grads if something tragic has happened, you friend may have overdosed, don’t leave your friend alone; call 911. Please spare one more parent a broken heart. Parents please talk to your children especially with Graduation Day approaching."

You are welcome to share this but please leave my contact info with it:)

Graduation Night,

Tonight a Parent’s Heart May be Broken

“I’m the father of a dead child,” is how the brokenhearted man introduced himself at the local Substance Abuse Task Force meeting.

I am always struck by the pain of the parents that have lost children to the disease of addictions. In this case it was not an addiction problem but kids celebrating their graduation. 

Many of us realize and try to prepare ourselves for the possibility of loss in our families, with recreational pills so prevalent in the younger generation. The statistics show that 8 people die a day in the State of Florida. With the national average being 50 a day, we need to acknowledge we have a problem here, people, and educate our families and ourselves. But common things in your home such as Pam, Nyquil and aerosol whipping cream can also be a source of misuse.

Prayer is a real and valid tool and a powerful force in the war against addictions. We always need to include prayers for families affected by addictions of all kinds. We can’t just ignore the problems in our society and hope they will go away.  One of the best resources I’ve found is Narcotics Overdose Prevention & Education (NOPE) Task Force. They are a group of community leaders and parents working to save lives by engaging young people in efforts to end drug abuse.

 
I met the father who introduced himself that way after the meeting. Although it had been nearly a year since his son died, it was evident he was still grieving.  I didn't want him to leave that meeting thinking that his son's death was in vain. I knew it was hard for him to make the effort to come to the Task Force but I was so glad he came. The only comfort I could give was to say I would pray for him and give him a hug, "I know when your son woke up that morning he didn't think or plan,‘Tonight I will break my father's heart.’”  Although that was what happened it was a horrible accident; kids using pills or drugs, one time too many. Young people are not thinking when they use recreational drugs; they are just doing it to fit in with their friends.

Graduation night is party night for many young adults. There are Pharma Parties, where people are dared to go through their parent’s medicine cabinets, bring in whatever pills they can get their hands on and put them in a big bowl to share. They pass the bowl around and the interaction of several pills that are not supposed to be taken together is a deadly gamble; a Russian Roulette.

I wrote this editorial in memory of Morgan Andrew Denney, that perhaps his death be not in vain, but will help save someone else’s child. I am trying in my own small way to get the word out, "One time may be one time too many."

Grads if something tragic has happened, Your friend may have overdosed, don’t leave your friend alone; call 911. Please spare one more parent a broken heart. Parents please talk to your children especially with Graduation Day approaching.

“Upon thy walls, O Jerusalem, I have appointed watchmen all the day, and all the night, they shall never hold their peace. You that are mindful of the Lord, hold not your peace, (Isaiah 62:6 Douay-Rheims Bible)

 Graduation Day was made for celebration not death.

 Donna Collins Tinsley

Somebody's Mother Online Prayer Support Group

thornrose7@aol.com 

Grace for the Day, May 19th, 2014

I am catching small glimpses of prayers being answered in ways that I would have never contemplated. The Lord is so much wiser than all of our ways of figuring things out, planning or controlling. He will not, He will not, He will not at all, He will not, no never, forget those things we have prayed. He will not forsake our children, He sees into their futures, He sees their hearts down deep. He will send help and He will send journey-mates. He sees and He does not forget the labor of love. Philip Yancey gives us the metaphor of a hearing aid: "pain gives us the opportunity to turn up the volume and pay attention to things that we might otherwise overlook." Listen to the whole interview go to Focus on the Family.

Parts of Psalm 30 sound great for today, as I remember last week just praying to be back safe from Oklahoma by today. The Lord has been so good to me and to you:

"I will extol You, O Lord, for You have lifted me up,
And have not let my enemies rejoice over me.

² 

O Lord my God,
I cried to You for help, and You healed me.

³ 

O Lord, You have brought up my soul from Sheol;
You have kept me alive, that I would not go down to the pit.

⁴ 

Sing praise to the Lord, you His godly ones,
And give thanks to His holy name.

⁵ 

For His anger is but for a moment,
His favor is for a lifetime;
Weeping may last for the night,
But a shout of joy comes in the morning...“Hear, O Lord, and be gracious to me;
O Lord, be my helper.”

¹¹ 

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness,

¹² 

That my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever." Psalms 30

I am so grateful to my Lord, my family, my friends and will ever live to praise His name. Thanks to all for the birthday wishes.Bill gave me a gift early knowing it would be cold in Oklahoma and I could use a new coat. My girls were ready to bless me when I got home with cookies from Ashley, Regina sent a cake, macaroni salad and flowers, Amber worked on a 3-pasta sampler for me and Shiloh and Brian want to take me to lunch today. As you can see we eat for comfort around here, that's how my family rolls, I guess. Mama didn't live to be 63, she nearly made it though, and she used to say we have food on the brain:). I guess the Lord isn't quite through with me yet:) I didn't realize how rough and old a 19-hour car trip could make you feel but we have the Rhema graduates back in Port Orange now:)

Mother's Day Musings 2014 a Little of This and That

"What you look at the longest is what will become strongest in your life. Whatever captures your attention, masters you. Choose to put your focus on the good things God has done for you, is doing for you and will do for you." Paula White

Sunday a day to praise the Lord. Many will celebrate Mother's day, many will be unable to celebrate and for those we pray that the Lord will minister to them today. He is available 24/7. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hzYKovRsJ8

Psalm 31:3 "For Thou art my rock and my fortress; for Thy name's sake Thou wilt lead me and guide me. 

 I think it was Joyce Meyers who said, "When I knew better, I did better." I am grateful to the Lord that I have learned and am still learning how to parent in different ways than I did when I was a teenage mother. By God's grace and forgiveness I am a different woman than when I started out and He gets the credit for it. But if I could turn the clock back and do it over with no mistakes or pain to loved ones, you can bet I would. I would love to be able to have a do-over in the mothering department. There is a quote in the book, "Her Daughter's Dream" by Francine Rivers that sums up, I think, how many mothers feel. ‎"I love every one of my children and I did the best I knew in raising them. I just wasn't always the mother they wanted."

Yet, we claim Romans 8:28 and know that God will use the pain and irritations of life to bring about the destiny of our children. As Mothers it is hard to watch and times and even harder to endure when we want to jump in and take that pain for them. But we must leave our children, grandchildren and problems in the hands of the One who created them for His purpose and glory. He will bring to life that which was dead and barren. Only the Lord can mend the broken, take pieces of clay and make beautiful vessels of His glory. Sometimes the pain of life seems more than we can endure, but we must press on, for His glory and purpose.

"Now therefore thus says the LORD God of Israel concerning (my paraphrase) your family: "Behold, I will gather them out of all the lands to which I have driven them in My anger, in My wrath and in great indignation; and I will bring them back to this place and make them dwell in safety. "They shall be My people, and I will be their God; and I will give them one heart and one way, that they may fear Me always, for their own good and for the good of their children after them. I will make an everlasting covenant with them that I will not turn away from them, to do them good; and I will put the fear of Me in their hearts so that they will not turn away from Me. "I will rejoice over them to do them good and will faithfully plant them in this land with all My heart and with all My soul. Jeremiah 32:17, 36-41Amp:

“All your children will be taught by the Lord. And they will have much peace”

(Isaiah 54:13, International Children’s Bible)

An interesting bit of Mother's Day trivia I read this week:

Anna Jarvis, the woman whose efforts resulted in Mother's Day becoming a national holiday in 1914, filed a lawsuit to stop a Mother's Day festival in 1923 because she was so troubled that the day had become commercialized. "I wanted it to be a day of sentiment, not profit," she protested. The commercialization so disturbed her that she said she was sorry she had worked to establish the holiday, and she spent all of her inheritance trying to return Mother's Day to the simple, loving time she had intended. 

I can understand her becoming disheartened. May the Lord bring back the simplicity of just spending time together or thinking about happy memories for those who are sad.

Read more at http://www.beliefnet.com/Love-Family/Holidays/Mothers-Day/When-Mothers-Day-Is-Hard.aspx?p=1

Seven Secrets of Power Praying, A book to enhance your prayer life.

Jane Glenchur has written an awesome book on prayer called, Seven Secrets of Power Praying. She looks at prayer in ways that would benefit all of us and the titles of her chapters will engage you and prompt you to read on. Not only read but pray more. The thoughts at the end of the chapters to remember, will stay in your mind and heart. I loved getting to know Jane through this book and was very honored that she chose to send me a copy to review.

Seven Secrets of Power Praying is broken into three parts. First is “Partnering with God,” Part 2 is Applying the 7 secrets to Power Praying, and Part 3 is Stepping Up to the Next Level. Her five keys to prayer are Key#1 Petition, Key#2 Passion, Key#3 Presence, Key#4 Preparedness, and Key#5 Perseverance.

I learned the term cloaking from the chapter Unmasking Deception where Jane says, "The enemy looks for opportunities to insert symptoms, hoping we will attribute them to a natural event rather than to cloaking."

A powerful quote also is,"Satan is the father of lies. As mentioned earlier, he wants to kill, steal and destroy God's children, but he does not advertise that fact. His lie are not often obvious; they are mixtures of truth and deception. He uses half-truths to prod and pressure us into making foolish decisions."

 

She also reminds us about voice recognition and how to be certain it is God speaking to you.

A key Bible verse is Jeremiah 33:3

Amplified Bible (AMP) Call to Me and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things, fenced in and hidden, which you do not know (do not distinguish and recognize, have knowledge of and understand).

The Appendix A with power Prayers and Declarations will be something that you will use time and time again.

It is a book that I will recommend to my Facebook prayer support group, Somebody's Mother Online Prayer Support Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/119408188089314/ .

I especially loved from the chapter, "Give God Your Password," this quote, "Lord, I give You permission to change my mind and emotions. I want Your best in this matter."

If prayer is part of your life, you will want to include this book in your devotional time. I give it five stars.

Dates of Pain On the One-year Anniversary of the Boston Marathon Tragedy

Dates of Pain

On the One-year Anniversary of the Boston Marathon Tragedy

Dates stand out in our minds sometimes. We remember birth dates, anniversaries and events that make us happy. But some dates will forever be ingrained into our hearts of life-changing events. There may be calendar dates that started out happy and joyful and in the matter of moments turned into dates of pain.

For many who attended and those who ran the Boston marathon in 2013, April 15th will stand out as a tragic date. From the normal sounds of a happy crowd of people to something that sounded like a war zone this date will be seared in the minds of so many people in our nation.

It is said that two pressure cooker bombs exploded at 2:49 pm and killed three people and injured hundreds. It is sad to think that two brothers would contrive to bring harm to so many. It makes you wonder what was going on in their heads, what their background was, what belief systems were in place that they would want to hurt people?

Yet the Bible tells us, “The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out. (Jeremiah 17:9 MSG)

We can’t figure out in our own minds why bad things happen. We can’t figure out why God 

allows people to be hurt and killed and why families have to suffer as happened at the Boston Marathon last year. This is a puzzle beyond comprehension.

We know that He does promise to work all things for our good, though, and we lean on this promise. We have to realize that the Lord can always bring light out of the darkness of a heart that is deceitful and gone astray.

Americans are a resilient people; just Google “happy outcomes of the Boston Marathon tragedy 2013” and you will agree with me. From moms saying they will run again to the story of a proposal at the finish line, we can find hope. You will find poignant pictures also there.

On this sad anniversary date let us remember to pray for the families of those who have passed from this life to their reward early and also for those who are survivors. Pray, pray and pray some more that the date of running the Boston Marathon race can become a happy date again.

Donna Collins Tinsley

What Follows After by Dan Walsh, it just doesn't get any better than this

Dan Walsh is fast becoming my favorite author and has written a very poignant, challenging and intense book called "What Follows After." I find with Dan's books I usually just devour them the first time I read them. They draw me in so quickly that I make excuses to read at times that I normally would be doing something else. What Follows After made me want to read more and then as I neared the ending, I tried to slow down as suddenly I didn't want the book to end. I'll be going back to reread this book as I do with all of Dan's books to savor the story and take the lesson that he teaches well within my soul.

As a Floridian I love reading books that are based on cities that I either live in or have visited. Dan took us on a journey around the state in this book and it was more of a mystery than his other novels. I love the research and the history aspect that Dan is known for and also that it was story within a story.

What Follows After also made me think back to what I was doing in 1962; I was the older child, Colt's age back then. The suspense at times was nearly unbearable so it made me keep turning the pages and I added extra reading time at night to my schedule. What Follows After is a good history lesson for younger readers as it followed the timeline of the Cuban Missile Crisis and the reaction of people in our country.

Dan weaves as only he can a story of family dysfunction, total breakdown and then redemption in a beautiful way. It is hard to believe that the parents in the story would have their children live a lie, especially in the time frame of the story, but maybe it was because of the time frame... the "Camelot years," when families were supposed to be like the Cleavers or the Anderson's from "Father Knows Best" that they felt they had to pretend. Dan always puts an important life lesson in his books on how a strongly dysfunctional family can learn to be a healthy family.

One of my favorite chapters in the book was the church scene with Mamie Lee, who was a mother figure in the book. Reminiscent of "The Help" it was a pivotal chapter and was beautifully portrayed as the people prayed and took action to be on the alert.

I have to say that Dan's last sentence from the book summed it all up so well. What follows after just doesn't get any better than that.

Donna Collins Tinsley

Word Weavers Volusia County Group

Linda Lee Wirth Reece Lewis, You were One of a Kind

         The Lord is good, so good to us. Today I want to mention my Mama who would’ve celebrated her 78^th birthday today. She was funny, beautiful and a bit crazy all in one. She always had an old saying coming out of her mouth. She used to say "It's a great life if you don't weaken," "You have to laugh to keep from crying,” and "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." She used to tell the grandkids to go play in trafficJ

Mama also said, "Only the good die young." This must certainly be true. She died unexpectedly at age 62. Sometimes I try to imagine life with her still here. Many times I have gone over in my mind the things I wanted to do for her when she was alive. Whenever we have a family celebration or are eating at a restaurant, I am often wishing she were still alive and here enjoying herself. She loved to eat and used to say, "I'd rather die than not be able to eat what I want."

Diabetes helped that statement come true.   

 

     And Mama always said, "What goes around comes around." That is what I would like imitate. That is why I want to sow seeds of goodness, kindness and love because those are the types of things I want to come back to my family. Bless your children and they will bless you. Love your husband and see what a return you get.  It is the principal of "sowing and reaping."                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

Mama, if I had you back for even one day, I would treat you like a queen. I would take you anywhere you wanted to go. I would make you whatever you liked for me to cook, carrot cake or the little fancy sandwiches for a picnic. We would find a “Po Folks” restaurant even if I had to drive you from Florida to Tennessee to do it. I would take you to a movie and to the flea market. I would rub your back with alcohol and then lotion and I would wash your tired feet with warm, scented water and my tears. I would pray a blessing upon you and show you how much I love you.

 These are thoughts I have when I think about the things my Mama used to say; I wish she were still here to say them today.

Happy birthday Mama. The Lord did a good thing when He created you. A very good thing. He is good, so good to us.

This song just seemed to fit today even though she didn’t have blue eyes and it is a love gone wrong song. She did play the heck out of a piano and the tinkling keys are great in this. She loved JohnnyJ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xPQ16Asyoo

Blogging Again

Blogging has come to a standstill again as the Florida Christian Writer’s conference gave me so many things to read and learn about. Yes, they are all writing related but sometimes writers learn most by reading. I will try to be more consistent this year with this blog. My online prayer group, Somebody’s Mother Online Prayer Support Group is my main mission. You can join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/119408188089314/

Two things at the top of all my quote journals that I will share with you today: the first is from my husband and is probably the sweetest thing he ever said to me. “You are the single most important on going event in my life. All my love, Bill.”  He has been with me through thick and thin and I am not talking about my waist size but that could apply tooJ

These three scriptures join the above quote: May this always be said of me: Zechariah 2:5 "For I," says the Lord, "will be to her a wall of fire round about, and I will be the glory in the midst of her." I am adding this to my life-verses, the first being Romans 8:28. And of course my new favorite: He won't brush aside the bruised and the hurt and he won't disregard the small and insignificant, but he'll steadily and firmly set things right. Isaiah 42:3

Only One True Way to Overcome Addictions?

Thank you Beth Patch and CBN.com for running my blog today!

http://blogs.cbn.com/battlingaddictions/archive/2014/02/14/only-one-true-way-to-overcome-addictions.aspx
I'm including it here:

Only One True Way to Overcome Addictions?

The number of fractured families grows daily. You may be part of this growing number and might feel overwhelmed in your situation. This is one of my favorite verses to read when I need motivation to press on:

“I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the Lord
In the land of the living.” Psalms 27:13 NKJV

I have noticed that there are those who seem to be able to work a 12-step program, those who because of mental health issues still need medications, those who can do it with Jesus only, and then there are those who need Jesus and much, much more. We just don’t hear enough about the fact that there is no ONE way to recovery.  Sometimes it seems there are people in rival camps fighting against each other, saying that their way is the only way that works.

I believe that recovery can be attained if you do it the way that works best for YOU and your family. We are all individuals; we learn differently, have unique beliefs and certainly each have our own truths. That does NOT prevent any of us from accepting the pieces of the process that work for us and traveling a path less known or accepted if that helps us and our fractured families achieve our dreams, sanity and sobriety.

There is no One Way Only road to recovery.

This statement is becoming more true to me as I think about the uniqueness of our Lord and how He created each person individually. We let go and we let God; yet sometimes He gives us ideas to help ourselves and others and bring hope for each situation. What works for one family member may turn another one completely off.

A Radical Intervention

For years I was waiting on a daughter to walk herself into rehab, and all those years she felt unloved and unworthy until I took a legal step to help her – I Marchman Acted her.

According to Okeechobee Florida Clerk of Court, “a Marchman Act is a means of providing an individual in need of substance abuse services with emergency services and temporary detention for substance abuse evaluation and treatment when required, either on a voluntary or involuntary basis.” The process is initiated by petitioning the court and a judge decides if the person meets the criteria. (Not all states have adopted the Marchman Act into their laws.)

In my daughter’s mind, taking that step to insist she get help spelled love. The Bible says in Lamentations:

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” Lamentations 3:22-24(NIV)

I had to wait on the timing of the Lord before I took this legal step. The love was there all the time, but she was not able to receive it or even believe that it was there until the Marchman Act was served. My action allowed her to feel loved. That was her view; the Marchman Act spelled love to her.

Yet many have gotten treatment for their loved ones to no avail; there is a timing, and it is the Lord’s. That is when we breathe and pray, breathe and pray, breathe, cry out to the Lord and pray.

Return to your fortress, you prisoners of hope; even now I announce that I will restore twice as much to you. Zechariah 9:12 NIV

Prayer: Lord, we come to You today, praying Thy will be done. I can’t fix this situation or family member, I never could but it took me a while to figure that out. You Lord, love my children even more than I do, so I leave them with You, asking for serenity for my own life, protection for children and hope for the future. Yes, I will be a prisoner of hope for my family and loved ones who wrestle with addiction until the day I die or the day that You bring the healing needed. We thank You that although there may be more than one way to recovery, You are the only Way, Truth and Life and the only “one way” to live. We give you all praise and glory in Jesus precious name. Amen.

---

Donna Collins Tinsley, wife, mother and grandmother, lives in Port Orange, Florida and has been included in several magazines and book compilations. She is a lover of the Lord Jesus and a sister among you. Find her at Facebook,   http://thornrose7.blogspot.com/  or join Somebody’s Mother Online Prayer Support Group athttps://www.facebook.com/groups/119408188089314/ Please email her at Thornrose7@aol.com with CBN blog article in the subject.